_Brown._ Why odious? I think the girls rather nice. _Mrs. B._ (_contemptuously_). Oh, _you_ would, because men are so easily taken in! Nice, indeed! Why, here's Major Buttons. _B._ (_moving his head sharply to the right_). Don't see him! Can't stand the fellow! I always avoid him at the Club! _Mrs. B._ Why? Soldiers are always such pleasant men. _B._ (_contemptuously_). Buttons a soldier! Years ago he was a Lieutenant in a marching regiment, and now holds honorary rank in the Volunteers! Soldier, indeed! Bless me! here's Mrs. Fitz-Flummery--mind you don't cut her. _Mrs. B._ Yes, I shall; the woman is unsupportable. Did you ever see _such_ a dress. And she has changed the colour of her hair--again! _B._ Whether she has or hasn't, she looks particularly pleasing. _Mrs. B._ (_drily_). You were always a little eccentric in your taste! Why, surely there must be Mr. Pennyfather Robson. How smart he looks! Where _can_ he have come from? _B._ The Bankruptcy Court! (_Drily._) You were never particularly famous for discrimination. As I live, the Plantagenet Smiths! [_He bows with effusion._ _Mrs. B._ And the Stuart Joneses. (_She kisses her hand gushingly_). By the way, dear, didn't you say that the Plantagenet Smiths were suspected of murdering their uncle before they inherited his property? _B._ So it is reported, darling. And didn't you tell me, my own, that the parents of Mr. Stuart Jones were convicts before they became millionaires? _Mrs. B._ So I have heard, loved one. (_Starting up._) Come, Charley, we must be off at once! The Goldharts! If they catch us, _she_ is sure to ask me to visit some of her sick poor! _B._ And _he_ to beg me to subscribe to an orphanage or a hospital! Here, take your prayer-book, or people won't know that we have come from church! [_Exeunt hurriedly._ * * * * * [Illustration: ROW ME O!] * * * * * [Illustration: CURLEW] * * * * * AT SCARBOROUGH.--_Miss Araminta Dove._ Why do they call this the Spa? _Mr. Rhino-Ceros._ Oh! I believe the place was once devoted to boxing exhibitions. [_Miss A.D. as wise as ever._ * * * * * [Illustration: "BY THE SAD SEA WAVES" _Landlady_ (_who has just presented her weekly bill_). "I 'ope, ma'am, as you find the bracing hair agree with you, ma'am, and your good gentleman, ma'am!" _Lady._ "Oh, yes, our appetites are wonderfully improved! For instance, at home we only eat two loaves a day, and I find, from your account, that we can manage eight!" [_Landlady feels uncomfortable._ ] * * * * * [Illustration: RATHER DIFFICULT "Oh, I say, here comes that dismal bore, Bulkley! Let's pretend _we don't see him_!"] * * * * * [Illustration: PESSIMISM