[Illustration: PLEASURES OF THE SEASIDE _Mermaiden._ "I am told you keep a circulating library?" _Librarian._ "Yes, miss. _There_ it is! Subscription, two shillings a-week; one volume at a time; change as often as you please! Would you like to see a catalogue?"] * * * * * [Illustration: AN INFORMAL INTRODUCTION _Polite Little Girl_ (_suddenly_). "This is my mamma, sir. Will you please sing her, 'It's the seasoning wot does it!'"] * * * * * [Illustration: OUT OF TOWN (UNFASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE) _Visitor._ "What a roaring trade the hotels will be doing, with all these holiday folk!" _Head waiter at The George._ "Lor bless yer, sir, no! They all bring their nosebags with 'em!"] * * * * * [Illustration: SEASIDE STUDIES _Wandering Minstrel._ "Gurls! I'm a doocid fine cha-appie!" &c., &c.] * * * * * [Illustration: Wiggles and Sprott prefer bathing from the beach to having a stuffy machine. They are much pleased with the delicate little attention indicated above!] * * * * * [Illustration: A QUIET DRIVE BY THE SEA A Brighton bath-chairman's idea of a suitable route for an invalid lady] * * * * * A SEASIDE ROUNDEL On the sands as loitering I stand Where my point of view the scene commands, I survey the prospect fair and grand On the sands. Niggers, half a dozen German bands, Photographic touts, persistent, bland, Chiromancers reading dirty hands, Nursemaids, children, preachers, skiffs that land Trippers with cigars of fearful brands, Donkeys--everything, in short, but sand-- On the sands. * * * * * [Illustration: THE LETTER BUT NOT THE SPIRIT Old Mr. de Cramwell, being bilious and out of sorts, is ordered to go to the sea, and take plenty of exercise in the open air. (He begins at once.)] * * * * * COMMON OBJECTS OF THE SEASHORE. [Illustration: TAKING A ROW] The "disguised minstrel", believed by the public to be a peer of the realm collecting coin for a charity, but who is in reality the sentimental singer from a perambulating troop of nigger banjoists, "working on his own." The preacher whose appreciation of the value of logic and the aspirate is on a par. The intensely military young man whose occupation during eleven months in the year is the keeping of ledgers in a small city office. The artist who guarantees a pleasing group of lovers for sixpence, frame included. The band that consists of a cornet, a trombone, a clarionet, some bass, and a big drum, which is quite as effective (thanks to the trombone) when all the principals have deserted in search of coppers.