Why Great?--where's Little Yarmouth?--or Mid-Sized Yarmouth?--give it up--don't know--hate people who ask conundrums--feel well cured directly you get here--good trademark for dried-fish sellers, "The Perfect Cure"--if you stay a fortnight, get quite kipperish--stay a month, talk kipperish! Principal attractions--Bloaters and Rows--first eat--second see--song, "_Speak gently of the Herring_"--"long shore" ones splendid--kippers delicious--song, "_What's a' the steer, Kipper?_"--song, "_Nobody's rows like our Rows_"--more they are--varied--picturesque--tumbledown--paradise for painters--very narrow--capital support for native Bloater going home after dinner--odd names--Ramp, Kitty Witches--Gallon Can, Conge! Fancy oneself quite the honest toiler of the sea--ought to go about in dried haddock suit--feel inclined to emulate _Mr. Peggotty_--run into quiet taverns--thump tables violently--say "gormed!" Whole neighbourhood recalls _Ham_ and _Little Em'ly_--_David, Steerforth, Mrs. Gummidge_--recall ham myself--if well broiled--lunch--pleasant promenades on piers--plenty of amusement in watching the bloateric commerce--fresh water fishing in adjacent Broads, if you like--if not, let it alone--broad as it's long! The Denes--not sardines--nor rural deans--good places for exercise--plenty of antiquities--old customs--quaint traditions! Picturesque ancient taverns--capital modern hotels--stopping in one of the latter--polite waiter just appeared--dinner served--soup'll get cold--mustn't wait--never insult good cook by being unpunctual--rather let Editor go short than hurt cook's feelings[1]--so no more at present--from Yours Truly. [Illustration] [Footnote 1:] Don't like this sentiment. Is J. J. a Cook's Tourist?--ED. II.--LITTLEHAMPTON. [Illustration]