* * * * * [Illustration: KINDLY MEANT _Young Noodle._ “Oh, do have another sandwich, Miss Swan. You have such a long way to eat--I mean such a long way to go!”] * * * * * [Illustration: _Little Titmuss_ (_just told off to take the younger Miss Long in to supper, quite forgets which of the two is the younger_). “Er--er--may I have the pleasure--er--of--er--taking the longer Miss Young--I mean-the lunger Miss Yong--that is----” [_Becomes incoherent._] * * * * * THE GREAT KNEE-BREECHES QUESTION (_A Young Blood, in trouble about his legs, soliloquises before his pier-glass_) Well now, this _is_ a doosid nuisance, what?… S’pose I’ve got to face the question, now that all the rest of our set have made up their minds.… _Hate_ havin’ to make up my mind! It’s rotten, simply _rotten_--I don’t mean my mind, but havin’ to worry over things like this--I never was so dreadfully worried, except perhaps over the shape of that tie last season, what?… Why can’t they put it off a little while longer? But no, they’re all goin’ to wear them next Friday at that supper at the Carlton, and Stella Pardedew’s comin’ too--wish I hadn’t asked her, she _can_ be so cuttin’, when she likes … I’m sure, if I’ve measured myself once, I’ve measured myself fifty times, and I can’t make ’em more than ten and three-eighths round the calf.… I know she’ll ask whether it’s three calves or one, when she sees me comin’ along … rotten joke, too!… Here, let me try once more--where’s that tape?… No, I don’t seem to spring to ten and a-half inches, anyhow, and I walked the whole length of Bond Street this afternoon, what?… They don’t look so bad in gaiters and ridin’-breeches, or under a motor-coat, and when I’m golfin’, too, I can double the thick top ends of my stockin’s down and make quite a decent show, but these silk things, what!… They’ll be sayin’ somethin’ about advertisements for Anti-fat--that rotter Bertie will, _I_ know, just because his are fifteen inches round.… * * * * * DE GUSTIBUS NON DISPUTANDUM.--_Adonis_ (_after his guests have departed_). “By Jove, Maria, what a handsome woman Mrs. Jones is! She looks better than ever!” _His Wife._ “Ahem! Well, it may be my bad taste, but I own I have hitherto failed to detect the beauty of Mrs. Jones. Now, _Mr._ Jones is good-looking, if you like!” _Adonis._ “_Jones good-looking!_ Come--hang it, Maria, Jones is a very good fellow, and all that; but I must say I’ve never perceived his _good looks_!” &c., &c. * * * * * [Illustration: _Hostess._ “I thought you were going to play ‘Bridge’!”