_Host._ “So we are, but they are playing ‘ping-pong’ in the dining-room, and ‘fires’ in the billiard-room, Jack’s trying to imitate Dan Leno in the drawing-room, and Dick’s got that infernal gramophone of his going in the hall, and they are laying supper in the smoking-room, so _we’re_ going to the nursery!”] * * * * * [Illustration: THE WORST OF HAVING “A DAY” _Edith._ “Here come those dreadful bores, the Brondesbury-Browns! How _tactless_ of them, to come and see us on the only day in the week we’re _at home_!”] * * * * * THE LATEST CRAZE SCENE--_A salon anywhere._ TIME--_Afternoon tea. Hostess addressing her guests._ _Hostess._ Yes, I think this is so much more amusing than “Books,” and “Songs.” One gets so tired of a lady with toy banners in her hair calling herself “Under Two Flags,” and a man insisting that he is perfectly made up for “The Absent-Minded Beggar” when he wears a label of--“Quite blind. Give me a penny,” and keeps his eyes open. _First Lady Friend._ Certainly. Well, do you think my “Curiosity” was good? An old boot belonging to my great grandfather. _Hostess._ Perfectly delightful. So nice to have a great grandfather, and one who wore boots. _Second Lady Friend._ Well, my “Curiosity” is not quite so personal. This is an old work-box that has been in our family for the last hundred years. _Chorus._ How interesting! _Second Lady Friend._ And it was bought, so I have been told, at the Exhibition of 1851. _Professor Grumbles_ (_interposing_). Dear lady, I fancy you have made a mistake in your dates. Now, if the box was in your family a century, and it came from the Exhibition of 1851, it must---- _Hostess_ (_interposing_). Oh, my dear Professor, pray don’t worry us with statistics. Now, what have _you_ got? _Professor Grumbles_ (_producing a bag_). Well dear lady, my little contribution to the general hilarity of the occasion will be caused by my friend in the bag. It is a specimen--a very rare specimen--of the South African puff-adder. Most doctors will tell you that the sting of this reptile is dangerous. (_He produces from the bag a black, vicious-looking snake._) In fact, most people will say that the sting, or rather a bite, is certain death. But be reassured, my good friends. In spite of this universal belief, I may say that, without expressing an absolutely definite opinion, _I don’t think so_! [_“Curiosity” tea disperses rapidly and in some confusion._ * * * * * [Illustration: CONFUSION WORSE CONFOUNDED _Jones._ “Con-found it all! Somebody’s taken _my_ hat, and left this filthy, beastly, shabby old thing instead!” _Brown._ “A--I beg your pardon, but _that_ happens to be _MY_ hat!”] * * * * * THE LADIES’ COLUMN ABOUT TOWN.