SOCIETY SMALL TALK.--“On the young lady’s exclaiming ‘How well these rooms are lighted!’ the young man might reply, ‘Yes, by the light of Beauty’s eyes, and you are lending your share, which is not a small one, to the general illumination, the brilliancy of which is almost too dazzling to a poor mortal like myself, to whom it is well that moments such as these are brief, else the reaction would be destructive to my peace of mind, if not altogether fatal to it.’” _Young Peter Piper has got his lesson well by heart, and is only waiting, to begin, for the lovely Miss Rippington to exclaim_, “How well these rooms are lighted!” _which, unfortunately for him, they are_ NOT. * * * * * HONOURS DIVIDED.--_Mr. Goodchild._ “Yes, I do feel in good spirits this evening. My boy has passed his examination!” _The Earl._ “Well, I don’t see anything in that. So has mine.” _Mr. Goodchild._ “Er--Indian Civil?” _The Earl._ “No--Bankruptcy!” * * * * * [Illustration: _The Rev. Lazarus Jones_ (_who has been honoured by an invitation to lunch with that great man, Sir Gorgius Midas, just returned from America_). “I suppose you are glad to get back to your comfortable house again, Sir Gorgius?” _Sir Gorgius Midas_ (_who perhaps does not like his palatial residence to be called a “comfortable house”_). “Yes, Jones! Be it ever so _’umble_, Jones, there’s no place like _’ome_!”] * * * * * [Illustration: MRS. BOREHAM AT HOME [_See p. 175_] MRS. BOREHAM AT HOME (_Amateur Theatricals_).--_Sir Pompey Bedell._ “Allow me to congratulate you, Mrs. Boreham, on a most successful entertainment! I have never set foot inside a theatre myself, I am proud to say, nor attended even _private_ theatricals before--such things are not in my line! But I can honestly assure you that I have rarely seen histrionic ability more consummate, or a dramatic performance more exceptionally complete in every respect, than that which it has been our truly enviable privilege to witness this evening!” * * * * * AN AMENDMENT.--_Vera._ “What must I do about the Billsomes’ dance? I dislike the Billsomes, and I don’t want to go.” _Phillis._ “Well, say you regret you are unable.” _Vera._ “Wouldn’t it be more truthful to say I am unable to regret?” * * * * * IT’S AN EAST WIND THAT BLOWS NOBODY GOOD.--“Here comes the carriage, Maud! Fancy having to go and pay calls in such weather! It’s enough to give one one’s death of cold!” “Worse than that, mother! Everybody’s sure to be _in_!” * * * * * ONE WAY OF FASTING.--_Miss Kate_ (_to Mr. Joskin_). “You don’t know how glad I am that Lent has begun.” _Mr. Joskin._ “Why?” _Miss Kate._ “Because there are no more stupid dinner-parties and balls. We only go to theatres and restaurants now.” * * * * *