_Her Grace._ “Oh, dear me! Why, my _husband’s_ a shopkeeper, Mr. Todeson. He keeps that great bric-à-brac warehouse in Conduit Street!--and the toy-shop at the corner, that’s mine!--and the confectioner over the way, that’s my mother, the Duchess of Hautcastel!” [_Todeson feels he has been puttin’ his foot in it._ * * * * * [Illustration: _De Smythe._ “She was the ugliest woman I ever met--er--er--present company excepted, of course!”] * * * * * OF THE WORLD WORLDLY.--“There go the Spicer Wilcoxes, mamma! I’m told they’re dying to know us. Hadn’t we better call?” “Certainly not, dear. If they’re dying to know us, they’re not worth knowing. The only people worth _our_ knowing are the people who _don’t_ want to know us!” * * * * * BREAKING THE ICE.--_He._ “I’ve got to take you in to dinner, Miss Travers--and I’m rather afraid of you, you know! Mrs. Jollibois tells me you’re very clever!” _She_ (_highly amused_). “How absurd! I’m not a _bit_ clever!” _He_ (_with sigh of relief_). “Well, do you know, I _thought_ you weren’t!” * * * * * A SUBTLE DISTINCTION.--_Jones_ (_who is of an inquiring mind_). “Ain’t you getting _tired_ of hearing people say, ‘That is the beautiful Miss Bellsize!’?” _Miss Bellsize_ (_a professional beauty_). “Oh, no. I’m getting tired of hearing people say, ‘Is _that_ the beautiful Miss Bellsize?’” * * * * * [Illustration: _Hostess_ (_to guests, who have come to spend a few days_). “We’re so glad you’ve been able to come, Mrs. Gushington; but I do hope we are going to have rather better weather, or I am afraid you won’t enjoy yourselves much.”--_Mrs. Gushington._ “Oh, but, my _dear_ Lady Boreham, we didn’t come here to _enjoy_ ourselves. We came to see _you_!”] * * * * * [Illustration: _Fubsby._ “A--everybody’s getting too clever nowadays. I assure you, _my_ chief object in society is to conceal my ignorance, and prevent people from finding out what an abject fool I really am!” _Miss Towers._ “And do you succeed?”] * * * * * [Illustration: _Hostess._ “Why, Mr. Smith, I’ve hardly seen you all the evening! Now I particularly want you to come and hear a whistling solo by my husband.” _Smith_ (_whose hearing is a trifle indistinct_). “A whisky and soda with your husband? Well, thanks, I don’t mind if I do have just one!”] * * * * * AN EQUIVOCAL COMPLIMENT.--“I’m so glad to meet _you_ here, Captain Spinks--and _so_ glad you’re going to take me in to dinner.” (_Captain S. is delighted._) “You’re about the only man in the room my husband isn’t likely to be jealous of!” [_Captain Spinks’s delight is no longer unmixed._ * * * * * [Illustration]