This seems to be a new variation. We all know the blameless A.B.C. tea patronised by country cousins after a hard day’s work shopping or matinéeing in town. There is the institution known as a “high tea” (why _high_?) for those whose indigestion is robust enough to negotiate six o’clock beef and tannin from the pot. A year or two ago we were deluged with “book teas” and “play teas,” or “song teas,” and other nursery devices for educating the middle-aged and teaching the old idea how to make wild shots at far-fetched rebuses. For dipsomaniacs there is, we regret to say, the D. T.; and the strict Q. T. for persons of a secretive turn of mind. And now a lady of high social position is in the market with bi-weekly “Conversational Teas.” Is the accent on the conversation or the tea, we would ask? Are there any gratuities expected? Is anything given away with a pot of tea? Do you bring your own mug? Does the lady-autocrat at the tea-table give marks for good behaviour? Does she “turn” you if you have failed to learn your small-talk correctly? Do you get a diploma (or a degree) at the end of the course if you pass the cake with honours? And is the “colonial” who comes out at the bottom of the tea-class rewarded with a wooden spoon? All these, and many other questions, present themselves to would-be students of “high English etiquette.” * * * * * GUESSES AT TRUTH.--_Mr. Laidislaw._ “Handsome woman our hostess--don’t you think? By the bye, what do you suppose her age is?” _Miss St. Cyr._ “Well, I should fancy, what the illustrated biographies call ‘Present Day!’” * * * * * [Illustration: SOCIAL SUCCESSES _Mrs. Ponsonby de Tomkyns at Home--Small and Early._ _Brown_ (_who is fighting his way in--to Friendly Party, who holds out his hand_). “Ah, how d’y’do, Mr.--er--I seem to know your _face_. Often met you here before, I fancy, hav’n’t I?” _Friendly Party._ “Very likely. My name’s Ponsonby de Tomkyns!”] * * * * * [Illustration: A TERRIBLE TURK _Little Spinks._ “Ah! once I was as innocent as a little child! What I am _now_, your sex has made me!”] * * * * * “L’INVITATION À LA VALSE.”--_She._ “But you don’t know my name! What have you put down on your cuff?” _He._ “Oh, I’ve put down ‘Pearl Necklace.’” _She._ “But there are lots of pearl necklaces here!” _He._ “Yes; but I’ve also put down ‘Small and rather tight’--I mean the _necklace_, you know!” * * * * * THE OLD ORDER CHANGETH.--_Todeson_ (_who has grown his moustache, dropped his G’s, and got into Society again_). “Fact is Society’s gettin’ much too mixed, Duchess. It’s not amusin’, after spendin’ a pleasant evenin’, to find you’ve been hobnobbin’ with a shopkeeper, or sittin’ next his wife at dinner, you know!”