When I asked you to wed me a fortnight ago At Mrs. De Jenkynson’s ball, I never expected you, Kit, to say “No” In tones that would ring through the hall. You dreamt not--how should you, of course?--that the sound Of your voice would be heard far and wide, But I _did_ feel a fool when a titter went round As we walked to your chaperon’s side. A beautiful maiden was never yet won, ’Tis said, by a faint-hearted swain; And so, Mistress Kit, ere the season is done I am sure to approach you again. And oh! if your feelings should leave you no choice But to utter the verdict I dread, Pronounce not my doom at the top of your voice, But speak in a whisper instead. * * * * * [Illustration: INFELICITOUS QUOTATIONS _Fair Authoress._ “So sorry to be so late. I’m afraid I’m _last_!” _Genial Host._ “‘_Last_--but not _least_!’”] * * * * * FASHIONABLE ARRIVALS Our Money Lender.--From Borrowdale. Our Standing Counsel.--From the Giant’s Causeway. Our Butcher.--From the Chops of the Channel. Our Dentist.--From the Mouth of the Thames. Our Doctor.--From Lancing. Our Confectioner.--From Bakewell. Our Beekeeper.--From Honeybourne. Our Flirting Friend.--From Florence, Constance Nancy, Nora, and Sophia. Our Pewopener.--From Hassock’s Gate. Our Undergraduate.--From Reading. Our Tailor.--From the New Cut. Our Own Correspondent.--From Penmaenmawr. And our Darlings.--From Archangel and the Coast of Bonny. * * * * * FRONT AND SIDE.--_She._ “What an enormous expanse of shirt-front Major Armstrong has!” _He._ “H’m--it isn’t his _front_ I object to. It’s his _side_!” * * * * * [Illustration: INFELICITOUS QUOTATIONS _Jones_ (_after a delightful waltz_). “And now, Miss Brown, let us go and seek some ‘Refreshment for Man and Beast!’”] * * * * * [Illustration: SOCIAL AGONIES [_See p. 49_] SOCIAL AGONIES.--(Scene--_Mrs. Montgomery Morris’s Drawing-room just before Dinner._)--_Mrs. Sidney Mountjoy_ (_to Hostess_). “Oh yes, Biarritz was all very well, but we got into a quarrel with some people there--a _dreadful_ couple, who behaved most _shamefully_! I’m told the husband, a certain Mr. _Hamilton Allsop_, means to pull Sidney’s nose _whenever_ and _wherever_ he meets him, and his horrid wife actually declares she’ll----” _Footman._ “Mr. and Mrs. _’Amilton Hallsop_!” * * * * * A FRUGAL MIND.--_She._ “And don’t forget to order six dozen of the _very driest_ champagne you can get, for our dance on Tuesday next.” _He._ “But the ladies, as a rule, don’t like very dry champagne.” _She._ “No, love, they don’t. Neither do the _waiters_!” * * * * *