She has curbs on her hocks and no hair on her knees; She has splints and has spavins wherever you please? Her neck, like a vulture's, is horribly bare, But still she's a beauty, my little brown mare. She owns an aversion to windmills and ricks, When passing a waggon she lies down and kicks; And the clothes of her groom she'll persistently tear-- But still she's no vice has my little brown mare. When turned down to grass she oft strays out of bounds; She always was famous for snapping at hounds; And even the baby has learnt to beware The too playful bite of my little brown mare. She prances like mad and she jumps like a flea, And her waltz to a brass band is something to see: No circus had ever a horse, I declare, That could go through the hoops like my little brown mare. I mount her but seldom--in fact, to be plain, Like the Frenchman, when hunting I "do not remain:" Since I've only one neck it would hardly be fair To risk it in riding my little brown mare! * * * * * [Illustration: TROUBLES OF A WOULD-BE SPORTSMAN _Huntsman_ (_to W.B.S._). "Just 'op across, would ye, sir, and turn those 'ounds to me, please."] * * * * * [Illustration: RESPICE FINEM _Excited Shepherd_ (_to careful Sportsman, inspecting fence with slight drop_). "Come on, sir! All right! Anywhere 'ere!" _Careful Sportsman._ "All very fine! You want to give me a fall, and get half-a-crown for catching my horse!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "WEEDS"] * * * * * [Illustration: "'WARE WIRE!" "Hallo, Jack! What's up?" "Don' know! I'm not!"] * * * * * MISPLACED ENERGY _Huntsman_ (_seeking a beaten fox_). "Now then, have you seen anything of him?" _Cockney Sportsman_ (_immensely pleased with himself_). "Well, rather! Why, I've just driven him into this drain for you!" * * * * * [Illustration: "WHILE YOU WAIT" "Here, my good man, just pull those rails down. Be as quick as you can!" "Take 'em down, miss! It'll be a good four hours' job, for I've been all the mornin' a-puttin' of 'em up!"] * * * * * [Illustration: ECHOES OF THE CHASE. BOXING DAY _Holiday Sportsman_ (_to Whip, who has been hollering_). "Where's the fox?" _Whip._ "Gone away, of course." _H. S._ "Gone away! Wotcher makin' all that noise for, then? I thought you'd caught 'im!"] * * * * * [Illustration: EASILY SATISFIED _Gent_ (_who all but dissolved partnership at the last fence_). "Thank goodness I've got hold of the reins again! If I could but get my foot into that confounded stirrup, I should be all right!"] * * * * * A Nice Prospect