_Host_ (_to Perks, an indifferent horseman, who has come down for the hunting_). "Now, look here, Perks, old chap, as you're a light weight, I'll get you to ride this young mare of mine. You see, I want to get her qualified for our Hunt Cup, and she's not up to my weight, or I'd ride her myself. Perhaps I'd better tell you she hasn't been ridden to hounds before, so she's sure to be a bit nervous at first; and mind you steady her at the jumps, as she's apt to rush them; and I wouldn't take her too near other people, as she has a nasty temper, and knows how to use her heels; and, whatever you do, don't let her get you down, or she'll tear you to pieces. The last man that rode her is in hospital now. But keep your eye on her, and remember what I've said, and you'll be all right!" [_Consternation of Perks_ * * * * * 'ARRY ON 'ORSEBACK Our 'Arry goes 'unting and sings with a will, "The 'orn of the 'unter is 'eard on the 'ill:" And oft, when a saddle looks terribly bare, The 'eels of our 'Arry are seen in the air! * * * * * [Illustration: 'W. STANDS FOR WIRE' "Hulloah, Jarge! Been puttin' up some wire to keep the fox-hunter away?" "Noa, I b'ain't put up no wire; but the 'unt they sends me a lot o' them boards with 'W' on um, so I just stuck 'em up all round the land, and they never comes nigh o' me now!"] * * * * * [Illustration: THE HUNTING SEASON _Rector._ "Is that the parcels post, James? He's early this morning, isn't he?" (_Noise without, baying of dogs, &c._) "What's all this----" _James_ (_excited_). "Yes, sir. Postman says as how the young 'ounds, a comin' back from cubbin', found 'im near the kennels, and runned 'im all the way 'ere. They was close on 'im when he got in! Thinks it was a packet o' red 'errins in the bag, sir! I see the run from the pantry window"--(_with enthusiasm_)--"a beautiful ten minutes' bu'st, sir!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "Duck, you fool! Duck!"] * * * * * HUNTING "DAY BY DAY" "The Mudsquashington Foxhounds had a good day's sport from Wotsisname Coverts (which were laid for a large number). They found in Thingamy Woods, rattled him round the Osier Beds, and then through the Gorse, just above Sumware. Leaving this and turning left-handed, he ran on as far as Sumotherplace, where he finally got to ground. Amongst the numerous field were Lord Foozle and Lady Frump, Messrs. Borkins, Poshbury, and Tomkyn-Smith."[A] [Footnote A: Half a dozen similar paragraphs cut out as being too exciting for the average reader's brain to bear.--ED.] * * * * * AT MELTON _First Sportsman._ "That crock of yours seems to be a bit of a songster." _Second Sportsman._ "Yes, he has always been like that since I lent him to a well-known English tenor."