Shirtliff very severe with them; not one copper shall they have from _him;_ not a matter of pence, but principle, and they had better go away at once. They don't; they hustle him, and some of the taller girls nudge him viciously in the ribs with sharp elbows, as a hint that "an immediate settlement is requested." Pashley and I do the best we can, but we soon come to the end of our Dutch coins. However, no doubt English pennies will---- Not a bit of it! Even the chubby infants don't consider them legal tender here, and reject them with open scorn. Fancy we have compromised all claims at last. No; Marken infantry still harassing our rear. What _more_ do they want? It appears that we have not paid the baby, which is an important extra on these occasions, and which they carry after us in state as an unsatisfied creditor and a powerful appeal to our consciences. Adult Markeners come out, and seem to be exchanging remarks (with especial reference to Shirtliff, who is regarded as the chief culprit) on the meanness that is capable of bilking an innocent baby. "What I like about Marken," says Pashley, when we are safely on board our sailing boat, to which we have effected a rather ignominious retreat, "what I like about Marken is the beautiful simplicity and unworldliness of the natives. Didn't that strike _you_, Shirtliff?" We gather from Shirtliff's reply that he failed to observe these characteristics. * * * AT MUNICH.--_Mr. Joddletop_ (_to travelling companion at Bierhalle_). What they call this larger beer for I'm blessed if I know! Why, it's thinner than the Bass I drink at home! * * * _Mrs. Tripper_ (_examining official notice on the walls of Boulogne_). What's that mean, Tripper, "Pas de Calais"? _Tripper (who is proud of his superior acquaintance with a foreign language)._ It means--"Nothing to do with Calais," my dear. These rival ports are dreadfully jealous of one another! * * * VERY MUCH ABROAD.--_Brown._ I say, Smith, you've been here before. Tell me where I can get a first dish of _Tête de veau?_ _Smith._ _Tête de veau?_ Let's see, that's "calf's head," isn't it? Well, I heard of a place where they ought to have it good, as they call it the _Hôtel de Veal_. [Illustration: _He._ "You climed ze Matterhorn? Zat was a great foot." _She._ "Great feat, you mean, count." _He._ "Ah! Zen you climed him more as once!"] COURTESY À LA SUISSE ["The recent complaints of the rudeness shown to English travellers in Switzerland by the natives has been officially denied by the authorities of Lucerne."--_Daily Paper._] _You are an idiot, a fool, and a rascal._ (_Official explanation._) Terms of endearment denoting feeling of the utmost friendship. _Why do you come here? Why don't you stay at home?_ (_Official explanation._) Merely questions asked to stimulate pleasant conversation.