_You are a rosbif, a boule dogue, and plum-pudding._ (_Official interpretation._) Fine names intended to express the greatest possible admiration for British institutions. _If you speak we will knock you down._ (_Official interpretation._) Merely a kindly expression of concern calculated to produce repose. _You are one brutal, ugly-faced foreigner._ (_Official interpretation._) A jocular salutation. _You sell your wife at Smithfield--Long live the Boers!_ (_Official interpretation._) A polite attempt to commence a courteous conversation. _Are you English?_ (_Official interpretation._) The highest praise imaginable. [Illustration: PERFECT TRANSLATION _Youthful North Briton_ (_on honeymoon tour, proud of his French_). "Gassong! La--le--le--cart----" _Garçon._ "Oui, m'sieu', tout de suite!" _Admiring Bride._ "Losh! Sandy, what did he say?" _Youthful North Briton_ (_rather taken aback_). "Aweel, Jeannie, dear, he kens I'm Scotch, an' he asked me to 'tak' a seat.'"] [Illustration: DIEPPE--MOSSOO LEARNING TO FLOAT] [Illustration: Our friend, 'Arry Belville, is so knocked all of a heap by the beauty of the foreign fish girls, that he offers his 'and and 'art to the lovely Pauline.] [Illustration: A SKETCH AT TROUDEAUVILLE After the bath, the Count and Countess de St. Camembert have a little chat with their friends before dressing; and Monsieur Roucouly, the famous baritone, smokes a quiet cigarette, ere he plunges into the sandy ripple.] THE DAMSELS OF DIEPPE _Or, The Legend of Lionel_ "Newhaven to Dieppe," he cried, but, on the voyage there, He felt appalling qualms of what the French call _mal de mer;_ While, when the steward was not near, he struck Byronic attitudes, And made himself most popular by pretty little platitudes. And, while he wobbled on the waves, be sure they never slep', While waiting for their Lionel, the Damsels of Dieppe. He landed with a jaunty air, but feeling rather weak, While all the French and English girls cried out "_C'est magnifique!_" They reck'd not of his bilious hue, but murmur'd quite ecstatical, "Blue coat, brass buttons, and straw hat--c'est _tout-à-fait_ piratical!" He hadn't got his land-legs, and he walked with faltering step, But still they thought it _comme-il-faut_, those Damsels of Dieppe. The Douane found him circled round by all the fairest fair, The while he said, in lofty tones, he'd nothing to declare; He turned to one girl who stood near, and softly whisper'd "Fly, O Nell!" But all the others wildly cried, "Give us a chance, O Lionel!" And thus he came to shore from all the woes of Father Nep., With fatal fascinations for the Damsels of Dieppe.