6 P.M.--Have spent the last two hours in consultation. 7 P.M.--A spy from our party (assuming the character of an English duke) is just leaving us for the front. 8 P.M.--Our spy has just returned, and reports that when he asked for a room the enemy attacked him with brooms and candlesticks. 9 P.M.--Have just matured our plan of attack. 10 P.M.--Glorious news! A triumphant victory! Our party, in single file, made a descent upon the _table-d'hôte_, seized a large number of _hors d'[oe]uvres_, and, after an hour's desperate fighting, secured a large room on the top floor, where we are now safely barricaded for the night! Hurrah! * * * AT DIEPPE.--_Edwin._ Awfully jolly here! Awfully jolly band! Awfully jolly waltz! Awfully jolly, isn't it? _Angelina._ Quite too awfully nice! _Edwin._ Waltz over. Awfully nice moon! Awfully jolly to be a poet, I should think. Say heaps of civil things about the moon, don't you know! Rather jolly, eh? Tennyson, and that sort of thing, don't you know? _Angelina._ Yes, isn't he a perfect love? _Edwin._ Yes--great fun. Next dance--square. Awfully stupid things--squares, eh? You're not engaged? _Angelina_ (_archly_). Not yet! _Edwin._ Then let's sit it out. [Illustration: PROVINCIAL MOSSOOS IN THEIR SUNDAY BEST] MUDDY MILAN Once I thought that you could boast Such a perfect southern sky, Flecked with summer clouds at most; Always sunny, always dry, Warm enough, perhaps, to grill an Englishman, O muddy Milan! Now I find you soaking wet, Underneath an English sky; Pavements, mediæval yet, Whence mud splashes ever fly; And, to make one damp and ill, an Endless downpour, muddy Milan! Though you boast such works of art, Where is that unclouded sky? Muddy Milan, we must part, I shall gladly say good-bye, Pack, and pay my little bill--an Artless thing--and leave you, Milan. * * * AT BOULOGNE.--_Ted_ (_to 'Arry_). What's the meaning of "avis" on those placards? _'Arry._ There's a question from a feller as 'as studied Latin with me at the Board School! 'Ave you forgotten all about the black swan? It's a notice about birds, of course! [Illustration: _She._ "So, dear baron, you are just come down from the mountains. What lovely views you get there, do you not?" _Herr Baron._ "Most lofly!" _She._ "And what delicious water they give you to drink there!" _Herr Baron._ "Ach, yes. That also haf I _seen_."] [Illustration: A CHOICE OF IDIOMS _Mr. Brown._ "I say, Maria, what's the meaning of '_Sarner fairy hang_,' which I hear you say in all the French shops, when they haven't got what you want--which they never have?" _Mrs. B._ "Oh, it only means '_It's of no consequence_.'" _Mr. B._ "How odd! Now _I_ always say '_Nimport_'! But I dare say it comes to the same in the end."] THEN AND NOW _Before the Holidays_ (_an Anticipation_)