Start for Rome. Fancy a Roman train. What was it? All Gaul, or all the train, was divided _in tres partes_. Sang comic songs all the way. Bother Rome! it reminds one of Virgil and Horace, and all those nuisances. By the way, we must not forget the Italian Dialogues. Hotel commissioner, such a good fellow. Has lived in the Langham for the last six years. Told us a capital American story. Left the others to go round the monuments while I played a game of billiards with Captain Crawley. By Jingo! he does play well. _He_ never learnt Italian or French, but I have heard he is a Greek. Speaks English like a Briton. Meant to have begun Italian to-day; but too hot, really. Go back by Vienna and Trieste. Better buy a German Dictionary. Charlie's voice downstairs, by Jove! Hurrah! Off to Vienna. Go over the Tyrol by night. Sleep all the way. Vienna. Awfully good beer. English parson in same hotel. Knows the governor. Wants me to take him round, and as he hears I am studying German, will I interpret for him? See him further first. _September._ Leave Vienna, to escape parson. The German tongue most attractive when made into sausages. Lingo simply horrible. Couldn't learn it if I tried. Arrived at Munich. Drove round the English Garden. Nothing English in it except weeds and ourselves. Saw _Richard the Third_ played at the theatre. Call that Shakspeare? Well! I am particularly etcetrad. And in German, too! Why don't they learn English? Home in time for some partridges. By the way, wonder what became of the "coach" who went out with me? Never bought the grammars and dictionaries, after all. There's nothing like English if you want to be understood. * * * AT BADEN-BADEN.--_Captain Rook._ Yes, my dear sir, although they have closed the Public Tables, still, if you really want a little amusement, I think I can introduce you to a very good set indeed. Where they play low, you know--only to pass the time. _Young Mr. Pidgeon._ Oh, thank you. I should like it very much indeed. But I am giving you a great deal of trouble? _Captain Rook._ Not at all! [Illustration: AT BULLONG _Paterfamilias_ (_who_ WILL _do the parleyvooing himself instead of leaving it to his daughters_). "Oh--er--j'ai bezwang d'oon bootail de--de--de----Here, you girls! what's the French for _eau de Cologne?_"] A CORRESPONDENT reports the following advertisement, written in chalk on the box of a Swiss shoeblack:-- "ENGLISH SPOKEN. AMERICAN UNDERSTOOD." * * * SCENE--_Boulevard Café._ _First Irate Frenchman._ Imbécile! _Second I. F._ Canaille!! _First I. F._ Cochon!!! _Second I. F._ Chamberlaing!!!! [Illustration: FRENCH AS SHE IS SPOKE "You like Ostende, Monsieur Simpkin?" "Oh, yes, orfly! It's so 'richurch,' don'tcherknow. Just come up to the 'Curse Hall,' will you?"] [Illustration: "Such a change, yer know, from alwis torkin' yer own langwidge!"] [Illustration: KNOCKED 'EM IN THE OLD GHENT ROAD (_A Sketch in Belgium_)]