No, mein herr, it is utterly impossible? We are forbidden by the Emperor himself to accept a gratuity. Yes, madam, it is indeed without charge. Do not tempt us. Instant dismissal is the penalty. Certainly, mein herr, you could get the same politeness before the Emperor issued his Imperial instructions. But then the charge was a thaler! [Illustration: OUR COUNTRYMEN ABROAD "Ulloa! Garçong, _here_ you are! Dayjernay, se voo play?" "Yes, sare! Vat vil you 'av, sare?" "Oh! Oofs!" "Yes, sare! [OE]ufs à la _coque_, sare?" "Oh, nong! Hang it! _Hen's_ eggs for _me_, please!"] [Illustration: _Gallant Scavenger._ "Very much the good day,[A] madame! And how fares mister your husband, this fine weather?" _Polite Applewoman._ "Much better, I thank you, monsieur! Recall me, I pray you, to the amiable recollection of madame your spouse!" _Gallant Scavenger._ "With pleasure, madame. Very much the good evening!" _Polite Applewoman._ "Good evening, monsieur, and good night!" [Footnote A: In the original, "_Bien le bon jour, madame_."]] INTO SPAIN (_With a Conversation-Book_) [Illustration] _Cannes._--Read that the weather is dismal and cloudy in England. Shall stay in the sunny South a little longer. Cannes is a charming place. But might as well see something different. Where to go? Consult map. Good idea. Spain. Consult time-tables. Easiest thing in the world. Tarascon to Barcelona. What is there to see in Barcelona? Nuts probably. Also Spanish manners and customs, dark eyes, fans, _mantillas_, and so forth. Shall certainly go, after a few days. Good idea to learn a few words of Spanish. Must be very easy. Italian and French mixed, with some Latin added. Amiable Frenchman in hotel supports this view. He says, airily, "_Vous quittez Paris dans le 'sleeping,' vous achetez des journaux espagnols à Irun, et, arrivé à Madrid vous parlez espagnol._" Cannot hope to rival that linguistic feat, but may be able to learn a few phrases between Cannes and Barcelona. Buy a conversation-book in French and Spanish. _Port Bou._--Across the frontier. Custom-house station. Now is the time to begin Spanish. Have read some of that conversation-book on the way. Begin to doubt its utility. Usual sort of thing. "Has thy brother bought a boot-jack?" "I wish these six volumes of Molière's plays to be bound in half calf." And so forth. This one is the same, only in French.