_Utrecht._--Nothing, with or without its velvet. _Wiesbaden._--For ages superseded by Monte Carlo. _Xeres._--Can get sherry without going there. _Yokohama._--Products purchasable at the stores. _Zurich._--"Fair waters" disappointing. * * * AT ANTWERP.--_Artist_ (_amateur_). "_The Descent from the Cross._" Hem! Not a bad bit of colouring, but out of date, sir,--out of date! _Artist_ (_professional_). You think so! Well, perhaps you are right. Splendid subject--splendid work; but it mightn't have sold nowadays. In 1875, Rubens would have painted portraits of fat mayors and sketches from the nursery. _Artist_ (_amateur_). Talking of sketches from the nursery, you should have seen my "_Coronation of Henry the Eighth!_"--the picture, you know, that they were afraid to accept at the Royal Academy! Afraid, sir!--that's the word--afraid! _Artist_ (_professional_). Quite so! [Illustration: AT A FRENCH HOTEL "Tell him to clean your boots, John--and mine too." "All right. Er--garçong, nettoyez may bot, si voo play--et aussee mah fam!"] [Illustration: A FRENCH CIRCE _Landlady_ (_to Jones, who is bargaining for apartment_). "Non, monsieur! C'est mon dernier prix, à prendre ou à laisser--et encore si je vous le cède à ce prix-là, c'est parceque la physionomie ouverte de monsieur m'est si sympathique que je voudrais avoir monsieur pour locataire!" [_We will not insult our readers by translating._ ] TALK FOR TRAVELLERS ["The German officials at the frontier, since the relaxation of the passport regulations, have been ordered to treat foreign passengers with every politeness."--_Daily Papers._] MEIN HERR, will you do us the honour to descend from the railway-carriage? It will be merely a matter of form. We need not disturb those gracious ladies, your wife and daughters. This is the best way to the Customs. You will notice that we have swept the path that leads to the door. Certainly, these arm-chairs are for the use of passengers. We have placed them there ourselves, and can recommend them. Is it asking too great a favour to beg you to lend me the keys of your boxes? A hundred thousand thanks. Your explanation is absolutely satisfactory. You are bringing these sixteen unopened boxes of cigars home for your grandmother. It is a most proper thing to do, and, under the circumstances, the duty will be remitted. And these three hundred yards of lace of various makes and ages? An heir-loom! Indeed! Then, of course, the packet must pass duty-free. As we have found nothing of consequence in this portmanteau of yours, it will be unnecessary to search the nineteen boxes of that gracious lady, your wife. No doubt she has obeyed your instruction not to smuggle. We are absolutely satisfied with your explanations, and are greatly obliged to you for your kindness and condescension. This is the way to the carriage. We have placed steps before the door, as without a platform it is difficult to ascend.