_Heidelberg_ That you can never have been abroad before. _Interlaken_ That you will hear the opinions of a number of Mr. Cook's tourists on the Jungfrau. _Jerusalem_ That if you have been advised to go there by your friends, you must be very unpopular. _Karlsbad_ That if you intend taking the waters, you had better insure your life before commencing the operation. _Lucerne_ That if you want to ascend either the Righi or Mont Pilatus, if you are judicious you will purchase a railway ticket. _Milan_ That you will find little difference between the Passage Victor Emanuel and the Burlington Arcade. _Naples_ That you had better keep a sharp look out on the returns of the cholera. _Ouchy_ That you are likely to have a good time of it at the Hôtel Beau Rivage if "Perambulating Parsons" have let it alone. _Paris_ That you are quite subservient to the wishes and dress-requirements of your wife. _Quebec_ That you can see what some of the Colonists have exchanged for the indiscriminating hospitality of the Mother Country. _Rome_ That you wish to do a good turn to the doctors by choosing such a time for your visit. _Sedan_ That you will develop a taste for the collection of Brummagem relics. _Turin_ That you will want a good rest after doing Mont Cénis. _Unter den_ That you will be lured to visit a City _Linden_ well worth seeing by the unearned fame of one of its smallest attractions. _Vevey_ That you had better stay there than go over the Simplon into tourist-teeming Italy. _Wiesbaden_ That if you can't get "Trente et Quarante" or "Rouge et Noir" at the Kursaal, you may yet play at chess.