WHAT THEY TAKE ABROAD.--_What She takes._--Three black silk dresses (Princesse, Watteau, and Duchesse); one green satin robe, with bows; one fancy silk, with embroidered apron; two black grenadines (one square cut); two white grenadines, with lace trimmings; four white tops (two warranted to wash); one violet skirt, with apron and jacket; four dinner dresses (violet, pink, pink and black, and blue); three polonaises (yellow, green, and red); one white worked top, with cardinal bows; two sealskin, one black silk, and three black cloth jackets; long fur cloak, ulster, and grey travelling polonaise; four hats (Gainsborough, brigand, shovel, and pork-pie); four bonnets (black, blue, violet, and red); linen (14 cwt.); boots, slippers, &c. (1 cwt.); extras, toilet, &c. (76 lb.). _What He takes._--Linen (10 lb.); two flannel shirts; an extra pair of boots; his sponge, combs, and brushes; and a wideawake hat. [Illustration: A STAGGERER! _Custom-House Officer._ "Now, then, got anything contraband about ye?" _Mate._ "'Got 'bout bot'l and half brandy; but I'll defy ye to take it fro' me!" ] WHERE TO GO [Illustration] _Antwerp_--if you are not tired of Exhibitions. _Boulogne_--if you don't mind the mud of the port. _Cologne_--if you are not particular about the comfort of your nose. _Dieppe_--if you like bathing in the foreign fashion. _Etretat_--if solitude has commanding charms. _Florence_--if you are partial to 100° in the shade. _Genoa_--if you have no objection to mosquitoes. _Heidelberg_--if you are not tired of the everlasting castle. _Interlaken_--if the Jungfrau has the advantage of novelty. _Java_--if you wish to eat its jelly on the spot. _Kandahar_--if you are not afraid of Afghan treachery. _Lyons_--if you are fond of riots and _émeutes_. _Marseilles_--if you are determined to do the Château D'If. _Naples_--if you are anxious to perform an _ante mortem_ duty. _Ouchy_--if you like it better than Lausanne. _Paris_--if you have not been there for at least a fortnight. _Quebec_--if you are qualifying for admission to a lunatic asylum. _Rome_--if you have never had the local fever and want to try it. _Strasbourg_--if you are hard up for an appropriate destination. _Turin_--if it is the only town you have not seen in Italy. _Uig_--if you affect the Isle of Skye in a thunderstorm. _Venice_--if you scorn stings and evil odours. _Wiesbaden_--if you can enjoy scenery minus gambling. _Yokohama_--if you are willing to risk assault and battery. _Zurich_--if you can think of no other place to visit. N.B.--The above places are where to go on the keep-moving-tourist plan. But when you want to know "Where to stay,"--we reply, "At Home." [Illustration: THE "MERRY SWISS BOY"] THE REAL SWISS BOY A NEW VERSION OF THE WELL-KNOWN BALLAD (_Respectfully dedicated by Mr. Punch to the Alpine Tourist, on his return home_) MR. PUNCH _singeth to Swiss Landlord_--