Come, carouse thee, carouse thee, my knowing Swiss boy, Sack thy gains, and from labour away. Stick the tongue in the cheek, and sing "_La République_ (Like _l'Empire_, as we know) _c'est la paye!_" The season's done, with purses low, The weary tourists homeward flow-- Then carouse thee, carouse thee, my knowing Swiss boy, Sack thy gains, and from labour away! _Swiss Landlord respondeth_-- Am not I, am not I, say, a merry Swiss boy, When I hie from the mountain away? _Les Milords_ they may climb, without reason or rhyme, But, _beigott_, for their climb they shall pay. My shutters up, no thieves to fear, Till back the tourists come next year, Then will I, then will I, as the merry Swiss boy, Take purses upon the highway! By the nose, by the nose, sir, the knowing Swiss boy The _Milords_ and _Miladis_ can lead; Through the nose, through the nose, too, the knowing Swiss boy The _Milords_ and _Miladis_ can bleed: Hotels so high high charges grow; _Point d argent, point de Suisse_, you know. So with _Vivent les Anglais!_ locks the merry Swiss boy The francs in his strong-box away! * * * VENICE UNPRESERVED [_"Steamers have been started on the Grand Canal at Venice."--Globe._] I stood in Venice on the Bridge of Sighs, A palace and a prison on each hand. I saw from out the wave black funnels rise Whence clouds of densest smoke I saw expand, And common steamboats, at a penny a mile, O'er the canal--saw many a person land Upon the piers. O Anguish! it does rile The Bard to see all this--and what a smell of ile! * * * THE MERRY SWISS LANDLORD TO THE TRAVELLER WHO HAS BEEN PLUNDERED Briton, assuage this futile rage! Your curses are in vain. You vow you'll go, but well I know You'll cut to come again! [Illustration: THE RETURN OF THE TOURIST] [Illustration: ADVANTAGES OF A CLASSICAL EDUCATION _Mr. Mould._ "Let it remain here, and I'll come back for it!" _Chef de Gare._ "Je n'comprends pas, m'sieur!" _Mrs. Mould._ "Try him in _Latin_, my love." _Mr. Mould._ "All right. Look here, mossoo--_Requiescat in pace--resurgam!_" _Chef de Gare._ "Ah! parfaitement! Que ça reste ici, et puis vous reviendrez!"] FIRST IMPRESSIONS [Illustration] There is no doubt that one's first impressions are always the brightest and the best; therefore I resolve to record the first impressions of a first visit to the Italian lakes. "_British Bellagio_,"--