_Recruit_ (_inspired by recollection of many days' pack-drill_.) "Yes, sorr. A defaulter, sorr!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Colonel_ (_who is taking a turn round to see how his subs are getting along with their road sketching_). "You know, this won't do. You should be able to _ride_ about the country, and make sketches as you go." _Jones_ (_not getting along at all nicely, thank you_). "Well, sir, if I could do that, sir, I should chuck up the army, and join a circus!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "COULDN'T MAKE 'UN SPEAK." _Infuriated C. O. 10th V. B. Mudfordshire Fusiliers_ (_who has ordered bugler to sound the "Cease fire" several times without effect_). "Don't you hear me, fellow? Why the deuce don't you sound the 'Cease fire' when I tell you?" _His Bugler._ "If ye plaze, zur, a've blowed a quid o' bacca down spout t'ould trumputt, awn I can't make un speak!"] * * * * * SOLDIERS OF MISFORTUNE ["Colonel Crofton, commanding the Eastern District, has decided that the 'quiff' is 'unsoldierly,' and 'disfiguring,' and has ukased its abolition. The 'quiff' is the forelock worn by Mr. Thomas Atkins."--_Pall Mall Gazette._] _Letter from a Private in the British Army to a Private in the German Army._ Dere Ole Sauerkraut,--Ow' 're yer going along? Jest a line from the Eastern Distric' to tell yer that we've all got the fair 'ump. An' I'm blest if our colonel ain't an' been pitchin' on our 'air. When we 'is in the fightin' line they yells, "Keep your 'air on, boys!" but when we gets 'ome, sweet 'ome, they says take it orf. There's 'air! I must tell yer we wears a hartful curl on our forrids wot is knowed as a "quiff," and I give yer my word it's a little bit ov orl rite! Susan (with lots o' cash as bein' only daughter of a plumber), wot I walks out with, simply 'angs on to it with both 'ands, so to speak. Well, our colonel says the "quiff" is "unsoldierly" and "disfiguring," and we 'ave got to bloomin' well lop it orf, no hank. This busts my charnst with Susan. Yores melancholy-like, THOMAS ATKINS. * * * * * ["The German uniform is to be changed to a grey-brown. The officers are particularly annoyed at the change, and complain that they might at least have been allowed to keep the bright buttons on their tunics. These are also to be dulled down to the new drab _régime_. Everything that is not strictly utilitarian--tassels, lace, and decorations--is to be banished from the parade-ground."--_Westminster Gazette._] _Letter from a Private in the German Army to a Private in the British Army._