Mein Gut Friend,--We haf the both trouble much got! You haf the beautiful Susan _verloren_. I my Katrine am deprived of. Because why? I was so schmart lookin' in mein regimentalen blue dat Katrine fell in luff with me on first sighten and called me in ways of fun her "leetle blue _teufel_"! But now, ach Himmel! she at me _cochet die snooken!_ "Cuts," as you say. I broken-ar-arted quite am. Because why? The Office die Warren as us ordered to take off der blue regimentalen. We haf in brown-grey to dress ourselves. Ah! dirdy, bad, rotten colour! And no more ze _schon_ buttons to haf that the beating heart of Katrine conquered. Farewell to Katrine! She brown ates.--Zo longen KARL SCHNEIDER. * * * * * QUERY BY THE NAVY LEAGUE.--Does Brittania rule the waves, or does she mean to waive her rule? * * * * * _Commander._ What is your complaint against this boy? _Bluejacket._ Well, sir, as I was a-walkin' arft, this 'ere boy, 'e up an' calls me a bloomin' idjit. Now, 'ow would you like to be called a bloomin' idjit, supposin' you wasn't one? * * * * * [Illustration: THE PERILS OF MIMIC WAR. _Motor Lieutenant, Motor Volunteer Corps_ (_to General in his charge_). "I say, sir, if we"--(_bump!_)--"upset"--(_bang!_)--"shall I get"--(_bump! bang!_)--"a military funeral too?"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Perilous position of a gallant officer of Volunteers, on a recent march, who (ever thoughtful for the comfort of his hired charger) chooses the cooling waters of the ford in preference to the bridge._ "Here! Hi! Help, somebody! Hold on! I mean halt! He won't come out, and he wants to lie down, and I believe he's going to rear!"] * * * * * [Illustration: NAVAL REVIEW (_From an Antique_)] * * * * * TRAFALGAR DAY.--(_At the Board School._) _Teacher._ Now can any boy tell me why Nelson's column was erected in Trafalgar Square? _Johnny Grimes_ (_immediately_). Please, sir, to 'elp 'im up to 'eaven, when 'e died in the arms of the Wictory. * * * * * [Illustration: REMOUNTS FOR THE YEOMANRY _Horse-buying "Expert."_ "Yes, it certainly does look more like a 'towel-horse' than anything else; still it'll have to do!"--Passed.] * * * * * [Illustration: "How dreadfully stout the general is getting!" "Yes, isn't it fortunate? Otherwise he wouldn't be able to wear all his medals!"] * * * * * SOOTHSAYINGS FOR SAILORS Augury from fowls of air Back to Tuscan gramarye dates. Birds in February pair: Now then, skippers, choose your mates. * * * * * [Illustration: IMPERTINENT CURIOSITY _Military Man._ "Well! What are yer a starin' at--ain't yer never seed a sodger before?"] * * * * *