Fair weather or foul, she ploughs along, Leaving far astern the strand, And many a towering sister bark We pass on the starboard hand, And, Westward ho! as we bear away! I can count stout ships galore, Abeam, in our wake, and ahead, that fly The Union Jack at the fore. And the sight of the flag that has swept the seas, Nor ever has known disgrace, Makes even a landlubber's bosom swell With the pride of his English race. At that gallant sight in my landsman's heart I rejoice--and rejoice still more That I'm only aboard of a road-car 'bus, With the Union Jack at the fore! * * * * * [Illustration: "USED TO IT!"--_Officer at firing-point (who thinks that it's raining)._ "Sergeant Mauchline, hadn't you better wear your greatcoat till it's your turn to fire?" _Sergeant Mauchline (frae the "Land of Lorne")._ "Hoo! Nothe noo! I'll pit it on when it comes wat!"] * * * * * DO'S AND DONT'S FOR VOLUNTEERS 1. DON'T go to camp. But if you do, 2. Don't get up when revally sounds. You'll find adjutant's parade in the early morning, the very early morning, such a beastly bore, and so bad for the liver that it is far wiser to stay in the "palliasse"--(besides, hasn't your doctor often told you that it is madness to suppose you can play such tricks at your time of life?)--they can only give you a few years' imprisonment for repeated mutinous conduct, and you could doubtless petition the Home Secretary for an aggravation of your sentence. 3. Don't submit to harsh or cursory remarks from the adjutant. Do answer him back. You know quite well that in private life you would not put up with his hasty, ill-considered and offensive language, nor permit him to hector you because your collar was not clean, and if you _have_ come on parade without cleaning your belt or rifle, what right has he to say that it makes him furious? Do point out to him how absurd it is to expect such minute attention to discipline on the part of so intelligent a volunteer as yourself. 4. Don't overtax your strength or weaken your heart by "doubling" up impossible hills, merely because the colonel (on a horse) thinks it looks pretty. Of course you would be perfectly ready to do anything that was necessary, but how can the empire's safety depend upon your losing your wind, when the enemy are some of your oldest friends, with a handkerchief tied round their sleeves? 5. Do insist upon having hot water to shave with, and an extra blanket when the nights get chilly. Very probably the captain of your company would turn out of his bed and take your palliasse if you asked him nicely. 6. Don't do any menial or degrading work, such as cleaning cooking utensils or greasing your own boots. The Government ought to know that gentlemen can't be expected to do that kind of work, and should provide an efficient staff of servants.