[Illustration: "The 'orrid mess master made my kitching in, and hisself too, a-cleaning that there dratted rifle, after he'd been a booviackin' in the park!"] * * * * * [Illustration: A DILEMMA. _Auxiliary Recruit (to himself)._ "Murder! Murder! What'll I do now? 'Drill-sarjint tould me always to salute me officer with the far-off hand, and here's two iv 'em! Faix, I'll make it straight for meself anyhow!" [_Throws up both hands._ ] * * * * * [Illustration: "OFF!" _Sergeant O'Leary._ "Double! Left! Right! What the blazes, Pat Rooney, d'ye mane by not doublin' wid the squad?" _Pat._ "Shure, sergeant, 'twasn't a fair start"!] * * * * * [Illustration: "LUCUS A NON," &c. _(Aiming drill.)_ _Musketry Instructor._ "Now, then! How do you 'xpect to see the hobject haimed at, if you don't keep your heye closed?"] * * * * * [Illustration: OUR MANOEUVRES. _Captain of Skirmishers (rushing in to seize picket sentries of the enemy)._ "Hullo! He-ar! You surrender to this company!" _Opposition Lance-Corporal._ "Beg pardon, sir! It's the other way, sir. We're a brigade, sir!!!"] * * * * * [Illustration: MILITARY ARDOUR. _Sentry (with mixed ideas of manual and platoon)._ "Gar'd t'n out!" _Commandant._ "Bless you, sir, what are you about?" _Sentry._ "Shure, I'm waitin' for the worr'd foire!" [Extract from Field Exercise or Red Book, pocket edition, page 356:--_Sentries paying compliments:_ "To field officers he will _present_ arms." ] * * * * * [Illustration: VOLUNTEER TACTICS AT OUR AUTUMN MANOEUVRES. _Captain Wilkinson (excitedly, to Major Walker, of the firm of Wilkinson, Walker, & Co., Auctioneers and Estate Agents)._ "Don't you think we'd better bring our right wing round to attack the enemy's flank, so as to prevent their occupying those empty houses we have to let in Barker's Lane?"] * * * * * [Illustration: A POSER. _Sergeant-Major._ "Now, Private Smith, you know very well none but officers and non-commissioned officers are allowed to walk across this grass!" _Private Smith._ "But, sergeant-major, I've Captain Graham's verbal orders to----" _Sergeant-Major._ "None o' that, sir! Show me the captain's verbal orders! Show'm to me, sir!!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "FOLLOW MY LEADER!" Captain Barble (East Suffolkshire R. V.) going to drill, has occasion to pass a certain window for reasons best known to himself. A vague idea possesses him that something is wrong somehow, or what should create such amusement on this occasion!] * * * * * MILITARY DIALOGUES III HOW IT SHOULD NOT BE DONE