_Sentry._ "Sure, yer honour, the tint's round. Divil a front it's got!"] * * * * * [Illustration: SANDHURST AND ITS MESSES. _General Bouncer_ (_on a round of inspection at Sandhurst_). "Augh! Can you tell me what 'mess' this is?" _Cadet._ "Well, they call it 'mutton,' but I wouldn't vouch for it!"] * * * * * [Illustration: A VOLUNTEER REVIEW (1865) The portrait of Private O'Locker on finding his billet is at a teetotal hotel.] * * * * * [Illustration: EXPLAINED.--_Auntie_ (_explaining morning manoeuvres of His Majesty's Life Guards on their way to relieve guard at Whitehall_). "Don't you see? There's two, and then there's one, and then there's the whole lot--and then there's two more!" [Youthful niece sees. ] * * * * * [Illustration: SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS.--_Jack_ (_singing at the top of his voice_)--"There's only _one_ girl in the world for me!"--_Popular Song._] * * * * * [Illustration: [According to the _Daily Telegraph_ zebra mules have been introduced into India by the Remount Department for military purposes. Would not their introduction--as above--into Whitehall lend a new and even more quaintly picturesque touch of grandeur to the scene? ] * * * * * MR. BROWN AT BREAKFAST ON THE ARMY. Astonishing lot of nonsense the _Daily Wire_ prints about military affairs ... no, I do _not_ waste my time reading it. Any intelligent citizen, Mary, is bound to take an interest in things of this sort. And our army is rotten, madam--rotten to the core.... What? That reminds you, shall Tomkins be told to pick the apples? As you please--I'm not talking about apples. Just consider these manoeuvres, and the plain common-sense lessons they teach you. First of all, a force lands in England without opposition. There's a pretty state of things!... No, I didn't say they _had_ interfered with us--but just think of the disgrace! Not one general, madam, not one single general capable of defending this unhappy country. And yet it is to support these expensive frauds that I have to pay taxes!... Well, if he calls again, tell him that I will attend to the matter. There's the rent and rates to be seen to first, and goodness knows, with your housekeeping and Ethel's dress bills--but I was talking about the army.