_Q._ But I presume your outing would justify the title of this Vade Mecum? _A._ Most certainly; because, by the end of your journey, you might accurately describe your condition as one who had been reduced to a skeleton. * * * * * [Illustration: _Nervous Tourist._ "Stop, driver, stop! There's something wrong! I am sure a wheel's coming off!" _Driver._ "Arrah, be aisy then, yer honour. Sure, it's the same one's been comin' off thin these three days back!"] * * * * * [Illustration: (_Sketched on the pier just after the arrival of the boat._) _'Arry_ (_viewing stormy sea in a mutoscope_). "My eye, Maria, come an' 'ave a look 'ere. The motion of the waives is simply grand!"] * * * * * [Illustration: A CONTINENTAL TRIP.--_First Man_ (_tasting beer_). "Hullo! I ordered lager. This isn't lager!" _Second Man_ (_tasting_). "No; but it's jolly good, all the same!" _Third Man_ (_tasting_). "C'est magnifique! mais ce n'est pas lager-r-r!"] * * * * * [Illustration: ON THE GRAND TOUR.--Scene--_Staircase of the Palazzo Bianco._--(_Enter the Joneses of London._) _Chorus of Maidens._ "O, ma, dear! O, papa! do look! _Isn't_ this charming? _Isn't_ it delightful? Only fancy--the _Bragginton Smiths_ were here last month!"] * * * * * [Illustration: THE FAULT OF THE FOWL SCENE--_Coffee-Room, Hotel, Guernsey._ _Visitor_ (_gazing at a guinea-fowl's egg_). "Waiter! Can you tell me what egg this is?" _Waiter._ "Oh, sir, it's a Guernsey egg. They sometimes lays them like that. It's not done in the boiling!"] * * * * * [Illustration: CORRECTED.--_Lady Tourist_ (_doing the cathedrals of Scotland_). "This is _Gothic_, isn't it, John?" _Juvenile Vendor of "Guides"_ (_severely_). "No, mem, _this is Presbyterian_."] * * * * * At HOMBURG-V.-D.-H.--_Colonel Twister_ (_in the hotel smoking-room_). Yes! I once played a game of pool at Senecarabad, holding the cue in my teeth, and captured all the loot! _Captain Longbow._ Pooh! That's nothing! About a month ago I matched myself at shell-out against Fred Fandango, and clutching the cue between my toes, walked in lying on my back! _Colonel Twister_ (_taken unawares_). But how the deuce did you manage to see the table? _Captain Longbow._ See the table? Why, had the cloth lighted with Röntgen rays, of course! Saw through the slate! [_The Colonel abruptly says "Good Night" to the company, and leaves for Schlangenbad next morning._ * * * * * FORCE OF HABIT.--Recently two bankers met abroad. They at once began to compare notes. * * * * * NEW NAME FOR SEA-SICKNESS.--_Mal de Little Mary._ * * * * * MRS. RAMSBOTHAM wants to know whether the inhabitants of the Fiji Islands are called the Fijits.