[Illustration: THE ANTIQUARY.--_Tourist_ (_in Cornwall_). "May I be permitted to examine that interesting stone in your field? These ancient Druidical remains are most interesting!" _Farmer._ "Sart'nly, sir. 'May be very int'restin' an' arnshunt, but we do stick 'em oup for the cattle, an' call 'em roubbin' pusts!!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Smithson, having read and heard much of the pleasures of a driving tour, determines to indulge in that luxury during his Whitsuntide holidays. He therefore engages a trap, with a horse that can "get over the ground," and securing the services of an experienced driver, he sets forth._ _Smithson._ "A--a--isn't he--a--a--hadn't I better help you to pull at him?" _Driver._ "Pull at 'im? Why yer'd set 'im crazed! Jist you let me keep is 'ead straight. Lor' bless yer, there ain't no cause to be affeared, as long as we don't meet nothing, and the gates ain't shut at Splinterbone crossing, jist round the bend."] * * * * * [Illustration: _Stout Party._ "Is this path safe?" _Flippant Youth._ "Yes, the path is--but I can't answer for _you_!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "Will you 'urry up paintin' that tree, sir? Cause I'm goin' to cut it down in a quarter of an hour."] * * * * * [Illustration: _Tourist_ (_in search of "the unique," after admiring old cottage_). "Is there anything else to look at in the village?" _Village Dame._ "Lor' bless 'ee, why there's the beautiful new recr'ation ground as we've just 'ad made!"] * * * * * [Illustration: A PASTORAL REBUKE.--_First Pedestrian_ (_they've lost their way_), "Look here. This must be the east, mustn't it? There's the chancel window--that's always east; then the south must be----" _High-Church Priest_ (_"turning up" suddenly out of the vestry_), "I beg your pardon, gentlemen, but I can't allow my church to be used for a secular purpose. You'll find an unconsecrated weathercock on the barn yonder!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Visitor._ "Will you tell me where I shall find a seat?" _Verger._ "Weel, sir, there's a guid wheen veesitors in Inverness the noo: so sit whaur ye can see yer umbrella!"] * * * * * TIPS FOR TRAVELLERS Toddlekins is anxious to take his family to Mars this summer, and inquires where he can hire a speedy balloon for the purpose. He is anxious to know whether he can obtain golf there, and also whether the roads are good for bicycling. He is recommended to apply for information to the Astronomer-Royal. But why should Toddlekins trouble to go so far afield? He would be sure to find congenial society in the neighbourhood of Hanwell, and by selecting this spot as his destination, the expense of a return ticket would be saved.