[Illustration: _Yachting Man._ "Well, I always said you were a plucky fellow, Splinter; but really, now, I did not give you credit----" _Splinter_ (_not displeased_). "How do you mean?" _Yachting Man._ "Why, with your spars, to put out in such a gale o' wind as this."] * * * * * TRAVELLERS' TALES _First Traveller_ (_in the smoking-room_). I think the most marvellous sight I ever saw was when I was crossing the Bight of Benin. You know the Bight? _Second Traveller._ Perfectly. Shot two sea-serpents there last year. _Third Traveller._ I landed hard by when I cycled across Africa. _First Traveller._ Well, it was there we sighted a man who had crossed from Buenos Ayres on a hen-coop, with a cotton umbrella for a sail, and---- _Other Travellers_ (_jealously in chorus_). Oh! Come, I say! _Quiet Man_ (_in corner_). Oh, I'll vouch for the truth of the assertion. _First Traveller_ (_nettled_). How's that? _Quiet Man._ Why, _I_ was the man. [_Company disperses._ * * * * * NEXT BEST THING TO THE PERSIAN LOCOMOTIVE CARPET OF EASTERN FABLE.--The "Travelling Rug" of Western fact. * * * * * [Illustration: Brown, who has had a hard day sight-seeing, in Tunis, goes to a café for a quiet drink and rest. Result!] * * * * * A HAPPY HOLIDAY Now I really do not care a Hang about the Riviera, In the daytime you've a gay time, But the nights are very cold. And for any kind of touring, Which I used to find alluring, I for biking had a liking, But I now have grown too old. Then the constant change of weather To my thinking, altogether Knocked the notion of an ocean Trip completely on the head; I've a horror, too, of "trippers," 'Arrys, 'Arriets, and "nippers," So a jolly quiet holi- Day I spent at home in bed. * * * * * NO DIFFERENCE.--_English Customer_ (_to Manager of restaurant_). I see, Signor Maraschino, that the American gentleman and his wife who have just left drank nothing but water with their dinner. Does that make much difference in their bill? _Signor Maraschino._ Noting, sir. They pay same as yourself and lady, who 'ave champagne. Oderwise 'ow should we live? * * * * * "THE GREAT LOAN LAND."--Russia. * * * * * [Illustration: WHAT DID MR. PUNCH DO IN THE EASTER RECESS?--Volunteer review! Not a bit of it! He just popped over, and had a few days of delightful _dolce far niente_ at Venice.] * * * * * [Illustration: Papa, Maman, et Bébé s'en vont à la pêche aux crevettes.] * * * * * [Illustration: FIN DE LA SAISON.--(_At a Cercle Anglais. "Le Fiv' o'clock," i.e., Afternoon Tea._) _Britisher._ "_Coming to the ball to-night, Count?_"