[Illustration: _Dolly._ "Please, Miss Sharp, mamma says, have you _really_ left your songs at home?" _Miss Sharp._ "Yes, dear. Why?" _Dolly._ "Well, papa says 'it sounds too good to be true'!"] * * * * * [Illustration: EUREKA!--_Isaacstein_ (_late of Whitechapel, showing old friend over bathroom in new house_). "What am I goin' to do with it? Vell, you see, I've always rather wanted a place where I could keep goldfish!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Juvenile._ "Uncle!" _Uncle._ "Now then, what is it? This is the fourth time you've woke me up, sir!" _Juvenile._ "Oh! Just put a few coals on the fire, and pass the wine, that's a good old chap."] * * * * * NURSERIANA.--_Little Chris._ "Oh! mamma, mamma, baby's moulted again." _Mamma._ "Moulted! What do you mean?" _Little Chris._ "Why, he's just dropped another tooth!" * * * * * [Illustration: SAFEST WAY OF TAKING A LADY DOWN TO DINNER (Another reminiscence of the days of the crinoline)] * * * * * [Illustration: SAT UPON _Hospitable Host._ "Does any gentleman say pudden?" _Precise Guest._ "No, sir. No _gentleman_ says _pudden_."] * * * * * [Illustration: UNEXPECTED GRATUITY.--_Waiter._ "Beg pardon, sir, but I think you've made a mistake. This is a halfpenny!" _Old Gent_ (_grandly_). "Oh dear no--not at all, not at all! I never give less!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Hickling_ (_to friend, who finds some difficulty in keeping his cigar alight_). "I say, old man, what matches do you smoke?"] * * * * * [Illustration: _He._ "Fond of Bridge?" _She._ "Awfully!" _He._ "Do you know I always think there's something _wanting_ in people who don't play?"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Old Party_ (_very naturally excited_). "Why, confound you! You are wiping my plate with your handkerchief!" _Waiter_ (_blandly_). "It's of no consequence, sir--it's only a dirty one!"] * * * * * [Illustration: IN DESPERATE STRAITS _Jones_ (_blue ribbon--to abstemious lady he has taken in to dinner_). "Look here, madam, we don't seem to be getting on a _bit_! Either you must have a glass of champagne, or, by Jove, I must!!"] * * * * * [Illustration: THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID _Guest_ (_who is a bon-vivant, to host, who isn't_). "You must come and dine with _me_, Jones!" _Host._ "With pleasure, my dear friend! When?" _Guest._ "_Now!_"] * * * * * [Illustration: "NOT QUITE THE CHEESE!" _British Farmer._ "What sort o' cheese do you call this? Full o' holes!" _Waiter._ "Grew-yere, sir." _British Farmer_ (_suspiciously_). "Then just bring one that grew somewhere else!"] * * * * *