I was dining. Thou wast holding a reception. He was attending it. We were feeling puzzled. Ye were reading the _Globe_ and _Pall Mall_. They were not knowing what to make of it. FUTURE TENSE I shall dine. Thou wilt join my party. He will squirm. We shall promote the unity of the party. Ye will applaud. They will call a meeting at the "Reform." PERFECT TENSE I have dined. Thou hast made ambiguous remarks. He has explained them away. We have tried to make it all sweet again. Ye have split a soda. They have split the party. SUBJUNCTIVE PRESENT I may dine. Thou mayest object. He may want to state his views. We may insist on our dinners. Ye may agree with them. They may disagree with you. SUBJUNCTIVE IMPERFECT I might dine. Thou mightest emerge from Berkeley Square. He might resign. We might lead. Ye might follow. They might not. IMPERATIVE Dine thou! Let him speak out! Let us know who is our leader! Read ye the _Times_ and _Globe_! Let them settle the question for us! INFINITIVE Present: To split. Past: To have been a party. * * * * * AFTER-DINNER CONSIDERATION.--"Hippopotamuses" is a better test-word of fitness for joining the ladies than "British Constitution." * * * * * [Illustration: DISCUSSING AN ABSENT FRIEND "Yes, Robinson's a clever feller, and he's a modest feller, and he's a honest feller; but, betwixt you and I and the _post_, Mr. Jones," said Brown, confidentially, picking his wisdom tooth with his little finger nail, "Robinson ain't got neither the looks, nor yet the language, nor yet the manners of a _gentleman_!" "Right you are, sir!" said Jones, shovelling the melted remains of his ice pudding into his mouth with a steel knife (which he afterwards wiped on the tablecloth). "_You've 'it 'im orf to a T!_"] * * * * * [Illustration: _First Convivial._ "'Sh two o'clock! Wha'll er misshus shay?" _Second Convivial._ "Thash allri'! Shay you bin wi' me--(_hic_)!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "IN CONFIDENCE" _Dining-room, Apelles Club_ _Diner._ "Thomson, do the members ask for this wine?" _Head Waiter (sotto voce)._ "Not twice, sir!"] * * * * * SPECIMENS OF MR. PUNCH'S SIGNATURES! (_Fac-similes taken during the course of the evening._) [Illustration: Punch] THIS IS BEFORE DINNER, 7·30. ATTESTED BY SEVERAL WITNESSES. [Illustration: Punch] THIS IS AFTER THE PUNCH À LA ROMAINE, ABOUT THE MIDDLE OF THE BANQUET. [Illustration: Punch] THIS IS WITH THE DESSERT. [Illustration: Punch] AFTER THE CLARET. [Illustration: Punch] AFTER THE CLARET _AND_ THE PORT. [Illustration: Punch] DURING THE CIGARS, WHISKEY AND WATER. [Illustration: Punch] 12·30. BEFORE LEAVING TABLE. [Illustration: Punch] 1·30. BEFORE GETTING INTO BED.