_'Arry._ Wy, _Nelson_ was a nautical 'ero, and this chap's a _'ero nautical_, to be sure. * * * * * 'ARRY 'AD--FOR ONCE.--SCENE--_Exterior of St. James's Hall on a Schumann and Joachim Night._ _'Arry (meeting High-Art Musical Friend, who has come out during an interval, after assisting at Madame Schumann's magnificent reception)._ 'Ullo! What's up? What are they at now? _High-Art Friend (consulting programme)._ Let me see. They've done "Op. 13." Ah, yes! They've just got to "Op. 44." _'Arry (astounded)._ 'Op forty-four! St. James's 'All got a dancin' licence! Hooray! I'm all there! I'll go in for 'Op forty-five. What is it, a waltz or a polka? [_Rushes to the pay-place._] * * * * * [Illustration: "RUDE AM I IN MY SPEECH" (OTHELLO) THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWER GIRLS] * * * * * THE COMPLAINT OF THE COCKNEY CLERK "I know of no cure but for the Englishman (1) to do his best to compete in the particulars where the German now excels; (2) to try to show that, taken all round, he is worth more than the German."--_Mr. Gladstone on English Clerks and German Competition._ All very fine, O orator illustrious! But I as soon would be a mole or merman, As a short-grubbing, horribly industrious, Linguistic German. A clerk's a clerk, that is a cove who scribbles All day, and then goes in for cue, and "jigger," And not a mere machine who feeds by nibbles, Slaves like a nigger. Learn languages? And for two quid a week? Cut barmaids, billiards, bitter beer and betting? Yah! that may suit a sausage, or a sneak! Whistles need wetting. That is if they are genuine English whistles, And not dry, hoarse, yah-yah Teutonic throttles. _I_'m not a donkey who can thrive on thistles. No, that's "no bottles." I've learned my native tongue,--and that's a teaser-- I've also learned a lot of slang and patter; But German, French, Italian, Portuguese, sir, For "screw" no fatter? Not me, my old exuberant wood-chopper! Level _me_ to the straw-haired Carls and Hermanns? No; there's another trick would do me proper,-- Kick out the Germans! Old Bismarck's "blood and iron's" a receipt meant For sour-krautt gobblers, sandy and sardonic! But for us Britons that Teutonic treatment Is much too tonic. The cheek of 'em just puts me in a rage, Send 'em back home, ah! even pay their passage Or soon, by Jove, we'll have to call our age, The German "sauce"-age! * * * * * [Illustration: AN INFORMAL INTRODUCTION. _'Arry (shouting across the street to his "Pal")._ "Hi! Bill! This is 'er!"] * * * * * "ON A CLIFF BY THE SEA" (_Whit Monday_)