A verse for "'Arry"? Well, I'm shot! (Excuse my language plain and terse) For such a nuisance I have not A verse. His praise don't ask me to rehearse, But, if you like--I'll tell you what-- The _role_ of Baalam I'll reverse. Only, like Balak, from this spot Desire me 'Arry's tribe to curse, To grant that prayer you'll find me not Averse! * * * * * [Illustration: _'Arriet._ "Wot toime his the next troine fer 'Ammersmith?" _Clerk._ "Due now." _'Arriet._ "'Course Oi dawn't now, stoopid, or I wouldn't be harskin' yer!"] * * * * * 'ARRY IN ROME AND LONDON A kind correspondent calls _Mr. Punch's_ attention to the fact that 'Arry the ubiquitous crops up even in the classics as Arrius, in fact, in _Carmen_ lxxxiv. of Catullus. How proud 'Arry will be to hear of his classical prototype! Our correspondent "dropping into verse," exclaims:-- Yes! Your Cockney is eternal; Arrius speaks in 'Arry still; Vaunts 'is "hincome" by paternal "Hartful" tricks hup 'Olborn 'Ill. How well he is justified may be seen by a glance at the text of Catullus:-- DE ARRIO. "C_h_ommoda" dicebat, si quando commoda vellet Dicere, et "_h_indsidias" Arrius insidias: Et tum mirifice sperabat se esse locutum. Cum, quantum poterat, dixerat "_h_insidias." Credo, sic mater, sic Liber avunculus ejus. Sic maternus avus dixerit, atque avia. Catullus, _Carmen_ lxxxiv. Which--for the benefit of 'Arry himself, who is not perhaps familiar with the "Lingo Romano"--though he may know something of a "Romano" dear to certain young sportsmen, though not dearer to them than other caterers--may thus be _very_ freely adapted:-- 'Arry to _H_oxford gives the aspirate still He cruelly denies to 'Igate 'Ill; Yet deems in diction he can ape the "swell," And "git the 'ang of it" exceeding well. Doubtless his sire, the 'atter, and his mother, The hupper 'ousemaid, so addressed each other; For spite of all that wrangling Board Schools teach, There seems heredity in Cockney speech. * * * * * COMMERCIAL INTELLIGENCE.--According to a trade circular issued by a Cockney company, Florence and Lucca, whence the finer description of oils have been heretofore imported, are threatened with a vigorous competition by the Iles of Greece. * * * * * THE RICHEST DISH IN THE WORLD.--The "weal" of fortune. * * * * * 'ARRY'S MOTTO.--"Youth on the prowl and pleasure at the 'elm." * * * * * [Illustration: _Lady._ "Half-a-crown, indeed! Your fare is eighteen-pence. I looked it up in Bradshaw." _Cabman._ "Well, to be sure! Wot a good wife you _would 'ave_ made for a pore man!"] * * * * * [Illustration: BACK TO THE LAND.