_I_'d make Mister Ruskin sit up, and the rest of the 'owlers see snakes, With their rot about old Mother Nature, as _never_ don't make no mistakes. Yah! Nature's a fraud and a fizzle, that is if yer can't fake her out With the taste of a man about town, ony sort as knows wot he 's about. Well, London's all yum-yum jest now. Hexhibitions all hover the shop, I tell yer it keeps one a-movin'. _I_'m on the perpetual 'op, Like the prince. Aitch har aitch _is_ a stayer, a fair royal Rowell, I say. (I landed a quid on _that_ "Mix," but I carnt git the beggar to pay.) "Inventories" open, you know. Rayther dry, but the _extrys_ O.K. It's the extrys, I 'old, make up life, arf the pleasure and most o' the pay. Yus, princes and painters, philanterpists, premiers and patriots may gush, But wot ud become of their shows if it weren't for the larks and the lush? Lor bless yer, dear boy, picter galleries, balls, sandwich sworries and all,-- It's fun and the fizz makes 'em go, not the picter, the speech or the squall. Keep yer eye on the buffet's my maxim, look out for the "jam" and the laugh, And you'll collar the pick o' the basket, the rest is all sordust and chaff. That's philosophy, Charlie, my pippin; the parsons and prigs may demur, But if you would foller _their_ tip, wy, you'll 'ave to go thundering fur. Ah! "May, merry May!" up in town, fills your snide 'un as full as he'll carry Of laughter and lotion. That's gospel to toffs and yours scrumptiously, 'ARRY. * * * * * [Illustration: A JUDGE OF CHARACTER. _Sympathetic Friend (to sweeper)._ "What's the use o' arstin' _'im_, Bill? _'E_ don't give away nothink less than a Gover'ment appointment, _'e_ don't!!"] * * * * * [Illustration: A BI-METALLISTIC DISCUSSION _Jim._ "What's this 'ere 'Bi-metallism,' Bill?" _Bill (of superior intelligence)._ "Well, yer see, Jim, it 's heither a licens'd wittlers' or a teetotal dodge. The wages'll be paid in silver, and no more coppers. So you can't get no arf-pint nor hanythink under a sixpence or a thrip'ny. Then you heither leaves it alone, and takes to water like a duck, or you runs up a score." _Jim._ "Ah! But if there ain't no more coppers, 'ow about the 'buses and the hunderground rileway?" _Bill (profoundly)._ "Ah!" [_Left sitting._ ] * * * * * [Illustration: _Cockney Macbeth (a trifle "fluffy" in his words) bellows out:_ "'Ang out our banners on the houtward walls! The cry is--'Let 'em _all_ come!'"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Hedwin._ "Hangeleener! Won't yer 'ear me? Wot 'ud yer sy if I told yer as I'd 'took the shillin'?" _Hangelina._ "Sy? Why--'halves'!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Man Cleaning the Horse._ "Naa then lazy, w'y don't yer do some work?"