_New Hand (loafing)._ "I'm agoin' to." _M. C. H._ "Wot are yer goin' ter do?" _N. H._ "'Elp you." _M. C. H._ "Come alorng, then." _N. H._ "All rite. You go orn, I'm agoin' ter do the 'issing."] * * * * * [Illustration: "BACK TO THE LAND." _Old Farmer Worsell (who is experimenting with unemployed from London)._ "Now then, young feller, 'ow long are you goin' to be with that 'ere milk?" _Young Feller._ "I caunt 'elp it, guv'nor. I bin watchin' 'er arf an hour, and she ain't laid any yit."] * * * * * [Illustration: "'Ere, just 'old my broom a minute. I'm just goin' up the street. If any of my regular customers comes, just arst 'em to wait a bit!"] * * * * * [Illustration: ART IN WHITECHAPEL. "Well, that's what I calls a himpossible persition to get yerself into!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Loafer (looking at a hundred pound dressing-bag)._ "I wonder wot sort of a bloke it is as wants a bag of tools like that to doss 'isself up with?"] * * * * * [Illustration: "Comin' up to 'Yde Park to 'ave a bave, 'Arry?" "Yers--an' 'ave all me cloves run orf wiv. Not if _I_ know it!"] * * * * * THE COCKNEY'S ADDRESS TO THE SEA.--"With all thy faults I love thee _still_." * * * * * A COSTERMONGER'S CANT Bill Coster said, "See them two fish? Them there's both females, mister; A pilchard she in this here dish: That 'ere's her errin' sister." * * * * * FOR THE USE OF SCHOOLS.--(_By a Cockney._) Why should not Dr. Watts' poems be read by youth? Because they contain _Hymn-morality_. * * * * * A LINE FROM BROWNING (_For hairdressers who recommend a wonderful "Restorative," and are careless of the aspirate._) "An everlasting wash of air." * * * * * A COCKNEY CON.--When may a man really be supposed to be hungry? When he goes to Nor-(gnaw)wood for his dinner. * * * * * [Illustration: SO VERY CONSIDERATE. _Stout Coster._ "Where are ye goin' to, Bill?" _Bill._ "Inter the country for a nice drive, bein' Bank 'Olidy." _Stout Coster._ "Same 'ere. I sy! don't yer think we might swop misseses just for a few hours? It would be so much kinder to the hanimile!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _'Arry (whose "Old Dutch" has been shopping, and has kept him waiting a considerable time)._ "Wot d'yer mean, keepin' me standin' abaat 'ere like a bloomin' fool?" _'Arriet._ "_I_ can't 'elp the way yer stand, 'Arry."] * * * * * [Illustration: VERY DRY WEATHER. "'Ooray, Bill! 'Ere's luck! I gorr' 'nother tanner! Leshgobackag'in!"] * * * * * [Illustration: 'EARD ON 'AMPSTEAD 'EATH