_Second 'Arry._ "Openin' of a new 'earer? Why, a telephone, of course, you juggins!" * * * * * A SONG FOR COCKNEY SPORTSMEN The hart's in the Highlands, Of that there's no fear, And 'tis there you may buy lands For stalking the deer: But the hills are no trifle, And they're windy and cold, So your wish you'd best stifle, Or buy, and be--sold. * * * * * [Illustration: GOOD NEWS _'Arry._ "T'aint no good miking a fuss about it, yer know, guv'nor! Me and my pals must 'ave our 'd'y out'!" _Foreign Fellow-traveller._ "Aha! Die out! You go to die out? Mon Dieu! I am vairy glad to 'ear it. It is time!"] * * * * * [Illustration: FORCE OF HABIT; OR, CITY SUSPICIONS _'Arry (who is foraging for his camping party)._ "Look here, my good woman, are these cabbages fresh?"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Little Dobbs._ "Hullo! what's that? Looks like a mowing machine." _Hairdresser (who does not appreciate "chaff")._ "No, sir, 'tain't a mowin' machine. It's meant to give gentlemen fresh _h_air."] * * * * * [Illustration: BITING SARCASM _Gentleman with the Broom (who has inadvertently splashed the artist's favourite shipwreck)._ "Ow yus! I suppose yer think ye're the president o' the Roy'l Acadermy! A settin' there in the lap er luxury!!"] * * * * * [Illustration: FOREIGN COMPETITION _British Habitual Criminal._ "Well, if these 'ere furrin aliens is a-goin' ter take the bread out of a honest man's mouth--blimey if I don't turn copper!"] * * * * * VERY APPROPRIATE.--Says 'Arry, "Regular good place for a medical man to live in is 'Ill Street, Berkeley Square. But why don't he cure it and make it Quite Well Street?" * * * * * COMMENT BY A COCKNEY Bad-Gastein! Sounds more fit than nice, and yet They say most healing waters there are had. Strange, though, that people fancy good to get By going to the Bad! * * * * * 'Arriet read from a daily paper, "Navigation in the Ouse." "I s'pose," said 'Arry, "as the members are goin' to 'ave a 'ouse-boat this season. Which 'ouse? Hupper or lower? Whichever's to steer? The Speaker or Lord 'Igh Chancellor?" * * * * * TWO DISTINCT CLASSES.--The aristocracy and the '_Arry_-stocracy. * * * * * [Illustration: WITHERING. _'Arry._ "I s'y--does one tip the witers 'ere?" _Alphonse._ "Not onless you are reecher zan ze vaiter, sare!"] * * * * * THE BLESSED HERITAGE ["Poverty is a blessed heritage."--_Mr. Carnegie._]