Oh, well for the man of my heart, That he bets on the "holes" and the play; Oh, well for the "caddie" that carries The "clubs," and earns his pay. He puts his red coat on, And he roams on the sandy hill; But oh! for the touch of that golfer's hand, That the "niblick" wields with a will. Golf! Golf! Golf! Where the "bunkers" vex by the sea; But the days of Tennis and Croquet Will never come back to me! * * * * * VIRGIL ON GOLF.--"Miscueruntque herbas et non innoxia verba." _Georgics_, 3, 283. * * * * * TO CORRESPONDENTS.--"An Inexperienced Golfer" writes to inquire whether what he has heard about "the Tee Duty" will in any way affect the "caddies." * * * * * [Illustration: WILLING TO COMPENSATE.--_Mrs. Lightfoot._ "Oh, wait a minute, Mr. Sharp--don't drive yet. My husband is still on the green." _Mr. Sharp._ "Never mind. I'll risk it. For if I _do_ bowl him over, why, I'm ready to replace him any time!"] * * * * * CAPABLE CADDIES Rumour has it that a movement is on foot amongst a certain section of the golfing public to ensure that for the future all caddies on English links shall be compelled to furnish satisfactory proof that they are physically and morally qualified for the porterage and cleaning of clubs, and acquainted with the more rudimentary principles of the game. To this end, it is reported, an entrance examination paper is in course of preparation, in which individuals aspiring to official recognition as caddies will be required to obtain a percentage of at least eighty marks. The following questions are said to have been already drafted:-- 1. Write your name, legibly if possible, in the top right-hand corner of the sheet. (Do not trouble to insert your nickname, as it is a matter of indifference to the examiners whether you are locally known as "Tiger," "Ginger," or "Bill Bailey.") 2. State your age. If this is less than six, or more than seventy-five years, you may omit the remaining questions and retire at once from the examination. 3. Are you married or single? Give reasons for your answer. 4. Illustrate the finer points of distinction between (_a_) a niblick and a gutty; (_b_) a bye and a bulger. 5. Are you a Protectionist or a Total Abstainer? 6. Rewrite the following passage, correcting anything that may strike you as an error or an incongruity:--"In an 18-hole match, X., a scratch player with a handicap of 20, stood dormy 12 at the 17th hole, but while half-way through the final green was unfortunate enough to get badly bunkered behind the tee-box. Being required to play 'two more' to his opponent Y., who had laid himself dead in 6, he only played one of them, thus holing out in 5, and securing a victory by the narrow margin of 4 up and 7 to play."