An aged Anglo-Indian oft I see Who waggles endlessly upon the tee, Causing impatience of the fiercest kind To speedy couples pressing from behind. Familiar also is the red-haired Pat Who plays in rain or shine without a hat, And who, whenever things are out of joint, "Sockets" his iron shots to cover point. Before ten thirty, also after five, The links with lady players are alive, At other seasons, by the rules in force, Restricted to their own inferior course. One matron, patient in her way as Job, I've seen who nine times running missed the globe; But then her daughter, limber maid, can smite Close on two hundred yards the bounding Kite. * * * Dusk falls upon the bracken, bents and whins; The careful green-keeper removes the pins, To-morrow being Sunday, and the sward Is freed from gutty and from rubber-cored. Homeward unchecked by cries of "Fore!" I stroll, Revolving many problems in my soul, And marvelling at the mania which bids Sexagenarians caracole like kids; Which causes grave and reverend signiors To talk for hours of nothing but their scores, And worse, when baffled by a little ball, On the infernal deities to call; Which brightens overworked officials' lives; Which bores to tears their much-enduring wives; Which fosters the consumption of white port, And many other drinks, both long and short. Who then, in face of functions so diverse, Will call thee, golf, a blessing or a curse? Or choose between the Premier's predilection And Rosebery's deliberate rejection? Not mine to judge: I merely watch and note Thy votaries as they grieve or as they gloat, Uncertain whether envy or amaze Or pity most is prompted by the craze. * * * * * [Illustration: _Foreigner (who has "pulled" badly, and hit his partner in a tender spot),_ "Mille pardons, monsieur! My clob--he deceived me!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Tommy._ "I say, do you know who's winning?" _Ethel._ "I think uncle must be--I heard him offer to carry auntie's clubs."] * * * * * THE HOLE CONCERN SCENE--_Any golf-club where an alteration of the course is in prospect._ TIME--_Any time, from dawn to dusk._ CHARACTERS--_Any number of_ Members, _plus (on this occasion) an_ Inoffensive Stranger. _First Member._ (_catching sight of_ Inoffensive Stranger). Look here, Nobbs, you're an impartial judge, we'll have your opinion. What I say is this. If you take the present 4th hole and make it the 13th, putting the tee back ten yards behind the 12th, and carry the lower green fifteen yards to the right, and play the 2nd, 5th and 16th holes in reverse order, keeping clear of the ditch outside the 4th green, you'll bring----