_London Boy_ (_who has never been out of Whitechapel before_). "I'm thinkin' it's time yer mother put yer into _trousers_!"] * * * * * [Illustration: A MARTYR TO APPEARANCES _Young Lady._ "I say, caddie, what _does_ Mr. McFadjock do with all these clubs?" _Caddie (wofully preparing to follow his tyrant)._ "He makes me carry them!"] * * * * * [Illustration: LINK(S)ED SWEETNESS _The Real Caddie_ (_audibly_). "This club is going to ruin--allowing all these ladies to join!" _Miss Sharp._ "They evidently can't get gentlemen!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Sanguine Golfer._ "Is that on the 'carpet,' caddie?" _Caddie_ (_as the ball swerves into cottage window_). "Yus, sir; front parlour, sir!"] * * * * * [Illustration: THE OLD TYPE OF LINK MAN. Supper time.] * * * * * [Illustration: THE NEW TYPE OF LINK MAN. Tee time.] * * * * * "A THREE-CARD LAY" Long ago in Sweet September, Oh! the day I well remember, I was playing on the Links against the winsomest of maids; In a "cup" my ball was lying, And the "divots" round were flying, And with eyes-a-dance she said to me, "Your iron's the King of Spades!" Now a foe, on such occasion, Of the feminine persuasion, Fair and twenty to the game a sort of subtlety imparts; And I felt its potent glamour, And I answered with a stammer Shy and nervous, "It was rash of me to play the Queen of Hearts!" Any further explanation Of my inward admiration Very likely had exposed me to the deadliest of snubs! But a snigger from behind me Just in time came to remind me Of the presence of my caddie--and I blessed the Knave of Clubs! * * * * * [Illustration: GLORIOUS UNCERTAINTY SCENE--_At the Golf Club._ _She._ "Good-bye, Major. What's the programme for to-morrow?" _The Major._ "Oh, either skating or punting, according to the weather."] * * * * * GOLF AND GOOD FORM (_By the Expert Wrinkler_)