_Holes 13 and 14._--Won by D.J. in the absence of S.J., who attends funeral water-games in honour of the green-keeper. All square. _Holes 15 and 16._--Abandoned by mutual consent, whisky being given away by the Society of Free-drinkers. Instant reappearance of the green-keeper. _Holes 17 and 18._--Unrecorded. Mr. Vardon declares the match halved. [Illustration: Punch] * * * * * [Illustration: FORE and AFT] * * * * * [Illustration: _Short-sighted Golfer_ (_having been signalled to come on by lady who has lost her ball_). "Thanks _very_ much. And _would_ you mind driving that sheep away?"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Extract from the rules of a local golf club:_--"RULE V.--The committee shall have the power at any time to fill any vacancy in their body."] * * * * * A LESSON IN GOLF "You won't dare!" said I. "There is nothing else for it," said Amanda sternly. "You know perfectly well that we must practise every minute of the time, if we expect to have the least chance of winning. If she _will_ come just now--well!" Amanda cocked her pretty chin in the air, and looked defiant. "But--_Aunt Susannah!_" said I. "It's quite time for you to go and meet her," said Amanda, cutting short my remonstrances; and she rose with an air of finality. My wife, within her limitations, is a very clever woman. She is prompt: she is resolute: she has the utmost confidence in her own generalship. Yet, looking at Aunt Susannah, as she sat--gaunt, upright, and formidable--beside me in the dogcart, I did not believe even Amanda capable of the stupendous task which she had undertaken. She would never dare---- I misjudged her. Aunt Susannah had barely sat down--was, in fact, only just embarking on her first scone--when Amanda rushed incontinently in where I, for one, should have feared to tread. "Dear Aunt Susannah," she said, beaming hospitably, "I'm sure you will never guess how we mean to amuse you while you are here!" "Nothing very formidable, I hope?" said Aunt Susannah grimly. "You'll never, never guess!" said Amanda; and her manner was so unnaturally sprightly that I knew she was inwardly quaking. "We want to teach you--what do you think?" "I think that I'm a trifle old to learn anything new, my dear," said Aunt Susannah. I should have been stricken dumb by such a snub. Not so, however, my courageous wife. "Well--golf!" she cried, with overdone cheerfulness. Aunt Susannah started. Recovering herself, she eyed us with a stony glare which froze me where I sat. "There is really nothing else to do in these wilds, you know," Amanda pursued gallantly, though even she was beginning to look frightened. "And it is such a lovely game. You'll like it immensely." "_What_ do you say it is called?" asked Aunt Susannah in awful tones. "Golf," Amanda repeated meekly; and for the first time her voice shook.