_Second S._ Why _rather_--if he’s rolling in the Rhino! _Fourth Verse._ _First S._ Philanthropists give up their lives to the poor. _Second S._ It’s chiefly with tracts they present them. _First S._ Still, some self-denial I’m sure they endure? _Second S._ It’s their hobby, and seems to content them. _First S._ But don’t they go into those horrible slums? _Second S._ Sometimes--with a flourish of trumpets and drums. _First S._ I’ve heard they’ve collected magnificent sums. _Second S._ And nobody knows how they’ve spent them! _Refrain._ _Second S._ Oh, they’re none of ’em at bottom any better than the rest! They are only bigger hypocrites, as _I_ know; They’ve famous opportunities for feathering their nest, When so many fools are ready with the Rhino! _Fifth Verse._ _First S._ Our Statesmen are prompted by duty alone. _Second S._ (_compassionately_). Whoever’s been gammoning _you_ so? _First S._ They wouldn’t seek office for ends of their own? _Second S._ What else would induce ’em to do so? _First S._ But Time, Health, and Money they all sacrifice. _Second S._ I’d do it myself at a quarter the price. There’s pickings for all, and they needn’t ask twice, For they’re able to put on the screw so! _Refrain_ (_together_). No, they’re none of ’em at bottom any better than the rest! They may kid to their constituents--but _I_ know; Whatever lofty sentiments their speeches may suggest, They regulate their actions by the Rhino! [_Here the pair will perform a final step-dance, indicative of enlightened scepticism, and skip off in an effusion of sisterly sympathy, amidst enthusiastic applause._ [Illustration: DISINTERESTED PASSION.] X.--DISINTERESTED PASSION. When a Music-hall singer does not treat of the tender passion in a rakish and knowing spirit, he is apt to exhibit an unworldliness truly ideal in its noble indifference to all social distinctions. So amiable a tendency deserves encouragement, and _Mr. Punch_ has much pleasure in offering the following little idyl to the notice of any Mammoth Comique who may happen to be in a sentimental mood. It is supposed to be sung by a scion of the nobility, and the _artiste_ will accordingly present himself in a brown “billy-cock” hat, a long grey frock-coat, fawn-coloured trousers, white “spats,” and primrose, or green, gloves--the recognised attire of a Music-hall aristocrat. A powerful,--though not necessarily tuneful,--voice is desirable for the adequate rendering of this ditty; any words it is inconvenient to sing, can always be spoken. ONLY A LITTLE PLEBEIAN! _First Verse._ When first I met my Mary Ann, she stood behind a barrow-- A bower of enchantment spread with many a dainty snack! And, as I gazed, I felt my heart transfixed with Cupid’s arrow, For she opened all her oysters with so fairylike a knack.