Here, if he will only accept the warning in time, is his best safeguard. He has only to buy this little volume, and inform his inquisitors that the songs and business with which he proposes to entertain an ingenuous public are derived from the immaculate pages of Mr. Punch. Whereupon censure will be instantly disarmed and criticism give place to congratulation. It is just possible, to be sure, that this somewhat confident prediction smacks rather of the Poet than the Seer, and that even the entertainment supplied by Mr. Punch’s Music Hall may, to the Purist’s eye, present features as suggestive as a horrid vulgar clown, or as shocking as a butterfly, an insect notorious for its frivolity. But then, so might the “songs and business” of the performing canary, or the innocent sprightliness of the educated flea, with its superfluity of legs, all absolutely unclad. At all events, the compiler of this collection ventures to hope that, whether it is fortunate enough to find favour or not with Music-hall “artistes,” literary critics, and London County Councilmen, it contains nothing particularly objectionable to the rest of the British Public. And very likely, even in this modest aspiration, he is over-sanguine, and his little joke will be taken seriously. Earnestness is so alarmingly on the increase in these days. [Illustration] MODEL MUSIC HALL. SONGS. [Illustration: THE PATRIOTIC.] I.--THE PATRIOTIC This stirring ditty--so thoroughly sound and practical under all its sentiment--has been specially designed to harmonise with the recently altered tone of Music-hall audiences, in which a spirit of enlightened Radicalism is at last happily discernible. It is hoped that, both in rhyme and metre, the verses will satisfy the requirements of this most elegant form of composition. The song is intended to be shouted through music in the usual manner by a singer in evening dress, who should carry a small Union Jack carelessly thrust inside his waistcoat. The title is short but taking:-- ON THE CHEAP! _First Verse._ Of a Navy insufficient cowards croak, deah boys! If our place among the nations we’re to keep. But with British beef, and beer, and hearts of oak, deah boys!-- (_With enthusiasm._) We can make a shift to do it--On the Cheap! _Chorus._ (_With a common-sense air_.) Let us keep, deah boys! On the Cheap, While Britannia is the boss upon the deep, She can wollop an invader, when he comes in his Armada, If she’s let alone to do it--On the Cheap! _Second Verse._ (_Affectionately._) Johnny Bull is just as plucky as he _was_, deah boys! (_With a knowing wink._) And he’s wide awake--no error!--not asleep; But he won’t stump up for ironclads--becos, deah boys! He don’t see his way to get ’em--On the Cheap! _Chorus._