[We have received a note from the Lazy One, saying that he is staying in the North of Scotland with the Maclather of Maclather. He says, if we were to hear the retainers sing “_Rigs Awa’_”--of which he encloses a copy--during dinner, accompanying themselves on the national instruments, sporans and claymores, we should never forget it. We don’t suppose we ever should.----On second thoughts, we do not believe he has been out of town at all, but that someone has sent him a guinea Christmas hamper. “_Rigs Awa’_,” indeed! We’ll give him a recht gude willie waght in his ee when we catch him.--ED.] [Illustration: VERY HARD LINES “Well, Kirsty, how’s business?” “Middlin’, mem, jist middlin’. Some days we dae naething ava, an’ ithers we dae twice as muckle.”] [Illustration: _Tammas (to Friend, who has joined the teetotal)._ “There’s nae doot, Jeems, ye’re a much improved man,--but I’ve lost a freend!”] [Illustration: THRIFT! _Mabel (who has just concluded a bargain for a fowl)._ “Then I’ll tell mother you’ll kill it and send it up to-night.” _Mrs. Macfarlane._ “Na, na, I’ll no kill it till the morn. I’m thinkin’ it’s goin’ to lay an egg this evenin’!”] [Illustration: AN IRREVERENT SAXON “My card, mon? I hanna got one! But I’d hae you to ken that I’m a _Mackintosh_!” “You may be a _Humbereller_ for all I knows, but my fare’s heighteenpence!”] [Illustration: REASSURING! _Old Gent (suddenly turning corner in narrow lane)._ “Oh!--I say!--Is he?--Will he?”--(_backing into hedge._)--“Can he?”---- _Peasant._ “Don’t take no notice of ’im, sir! I’ve got a wee bit check on ’im if he runs!!”] [Illustration: “THE VERNACULAR” _Old Gentleman, frae Aberdeen (at the Exhibition)._ “I say, Joack, look up the cat’logk an see fa that is wi’ the ‘Brechum’ [horse-collar] on!”] [Illustration: A NARCOTIC _Doctor._ “Look here, Mrs. McCawdle. Don’t give him any more physic. A sound sleep will do him more good than anything.” _Gudewife._ “E-h, docthor, if we could only get him tae the kirk!!”] [Illustration: “AGE CANNOT WITHER, NOR CUSTOM STALE!” _Returned Native (to country carrier, who has given him a lift)._ “We don’t seem to be covering the ground so fast as we did twelve years ago.” _Carrier._ “Ye’re wrang there, Mr. Broon, for it’s the same bit beastie!”] [Illustration: AWARE OF THE CRISIS _Sairgeant Mucklewham (more in sorrow than anger)._ “Halt! O Man Nummer Three, I wunner tae sae ye! Hoo can ye think Foreign Powers can ever respect ye, if ye wull persist in steppin’ three inches less than the regelation!”] [Illustration: PUT TO THE ROUT _Distracted Bandster._ “Komm avay--komm avay--ee zhall nod give you nodingsh--ee vill blay de moozeek erselbst! Teufel!” [_They retreat hastily._] [Illustration: BOTH SIDES OF THE QUESTION _Dissipated Tradesman (to the expostulations of the minister)._ “Ye’re aye crackin’ at me about my drinkin’, sir, but you don’t consider my drooth!!”] [Illustration: “PHYSICAL GEOGRAPHY”