_Captain Treadfoot Trotter_ (_who believes in shooting over dogs_). No doubt, Mr. Poppit, you'd like to see the poor birds driven in a coach, or a tandem, or a curricle; or, if I may judge by the way you sent my pointer round the last field, ye'd wish to put 'em in a circus! * * * * * WILD SPORTS.--_The Sportsmen_ (_from the wood_). "Hullo, Tonsonby! You've had a good place. We've heard you blazing away all the afternoon. How many have you bagged?" _Tonsonby_ (_a town man_). "O, bother your tame pheasants. I've tree'd a magnificent tom cat here, and had splendid sport, but I can't hit him. You come and try!" * * * * * [Illustration: RATHER STARTLING "Well, Count! Any sport this morning?" "Hélas! mon ami, very sad sport! I 'ave shot three beautiful misses!" [_He means he has missed three beautiful shots._ ] * * * * * [Illustration: HER "FIRST" _Miss Nimrod._ "Oh, dear! he's pointing! Which end do I shoot at?"] * * * * * [Illustration: Out after partridges. Unluckily, tripped up just as Di's cousin got in the way. Thought Di rather unnecessarily sympathetic, as he was by no means dangerously hit.] * * * * * [Illustration: RISKY _Mr. O'Fluke_ (_whose shooting has been a bit wild_). "Very odd, Robins, that I don't hit anything?" _Robins_ (_dodging muzzle_). "Ah, but a'm afeard it's ower good luck to continue, sir!"] * * * * * [Illustration: MR. TUBBING'S SHOOTING PONY] [Illustration: RATHER PROUD OF IT.--_Landlord_ (_who is having a shoot for his tenant-farmers_). "Good Heavens, Mr. Mangold! That bird can't have been more than a couple of feet over Mr. Butter's head!" _Mr. Mangold._ "Oh! That's what _I_ call _shootin'_!"] * * * * * [Illustration: MISTAKEN VOCATION.--_Major Missemall_ (_an enthusiast on sporting dogs_). "Confound the brute! That's the dog I was going to run in the retriever trials, too. But I won't now." _Friend._ "I wouldn't. I'd reserve him for the Waterloo Cup."] * * * * * [Illustration: DERISION.--_Bagnidge_ (_to his friend's keeper_). "Tut-t-t-t--dear me! Woodruff, I'm afraid I've shot that dog!" _Keeper._ "Oh no, sir, I think he's all right, sir. He mostly drop down like that if anybody misses!!"] * * * * * [Illustration: ECHO ANSWERS.--_Short-sighted swell_ (_to gamekeeper, who has been told off to see that he "makes a bag"_) "Another hit, Wiggins! By the way--rum thing--always seem to hear a shot somewhere _behind_ me, just after I fire!" _Wiggins_ (_stolidly_). "Yes, sir, 'zactly so, sir. Wunnerfle place for echoes this 'ere, sir!"] * * * * * BALLAD OF THE CUNNING PARTRIDGE