[Illustration: "BY AUTHORITY."--_Street Boy (sternly)._ "P'lice-Serge'nt says as you're t' have your door-way swep' immediat'; an' (_more meekly_) me an' my mate's willin' to do it, s'!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Old Gentleman (who has received a present of butter from one of his tenants)._ "And how does your mother make all these beautiful patterns on the pats, my dear?" _Messenger._ "_Wiv our comb, sir!_"] * * * * * [Illustration: A FATAL OBJECTION "Mother, are the Wondergilts very rich?" "Yes, Silvia, very." "Mother, I hope we shall never be rich?" "Why, darling?" "It must be so very expensive!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Lady._ "Have you lost yourself, little boy?" _Little Boy._ "No--boo-hoo--I've found a street I don't know!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "ENFANT TERRIBLE" "I've brought you a glass of wine, Mr. Professor. _Please_ drink it!" "Vat! Pefore tinner? Ach, vy?" "Because mummy says you drink like a fish, and I want to see you----!"] * * * * * [Illustration: THE SPREAD OF EDUCATION "Come and 'ave a look, Marier. They've been and put a chick on a lidy's 'at, and they don't know 'ow to spell it!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "WELL OUT OF IT" _Uncle._ "And you love your enemies, Ethel?" _Ethel (promptly)._ "Yeth, uncle." _Uncle._ "And who are your enemies, dear?" _Ethel (in an awful whisper)._ "The dev----" [_The old gentleman doesn't see his way further, and drops the subject._] * * * * * [Illustration: OUR CHILDREN _Nurse._ "You dreadful children! Where _have_ you been?" _Young Hopeful._ "Oh, nursie, we've been trying to drown those dear little ducks, but they _will_ come to the top!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Auntie._ "Do you know you are playing with two very naughty little boys, Johnny?" _Johnny._ "Yes." _Auntie._ "You do! I'm surprised. Why don't you play with good little boys?" _Johnny._ "Because their mothers won't let them!"] * * * * * [Illustration: TAKING TIME BY THE FORELOCK _Gwendoline._ "Uncle George says every woman ought to have a profession, and I think he's quite right!" _Mamma._ "Indeed! And what profession do you mean to choose?" _Gwendoline._ "I mean to be a professional beauty!"] * * * * * [Illustration: EXPERIENTIA DOCET.--_Master George (whispers)._ "I say! Kitty! Has mamma been telling you she'd give you '_a lovely spoonful of delicious currant jelly, O so nice, so VERY nice_'?" _Miss Kitty._ "Ess Cullen' jelly! O so ni', so welly ni'!" _Master George._ "THEN DON'T TAKE IT!!"] * * * * *