"Oh, daddy, it _must_ be an _old_ baby!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "It's an ill wind blows nobody good."] * * * * * _Horrified little girl_ (_seeing her mamma in evening dress for the first time_). Oh, mummy, you're _never_ going down like that! You've forgotten to put on your top part! * * * * * [Illustration: "Hi, silly! Come 'ere out of the rine!"] * * * * * ENGLISH HISTORY.--"And who was the king who had so many wives?" "Bluebeard!" * * * * * [Illustration: HER FIRST WASP _Poor Effie (who has been stung)._ "First it walked about all over my hand, and it _was_ so nice! But oh!--_when it sat down_!"] * * * * * [Illustration: VERY NATURAL.--"Vell, and vat to you sink tit happen to me at Matame Tussaud's de oder tay? A laty dook me for vun of de vax vickers, and agdually abbollochised vor her misdake!" "O what fun, Mr. Schmitz! And was it in the Chamber of Horrors?"] * * * * * [Illustration: TRUE DISTINCTION.-- _Mamma (improving the occasion)._ "I like your new suit immensely, Gerald! But you must recollect that it's not the coat that makes the gentleman!" _Gerald._ "No, mamma! I know it's the _hat_!"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Little Montague._ "I was awake when Santa Claus came, dad!" _Father._ "Were you? And what was he like, eh?" _Little Montague._ "Oh, I couldn't see him--it was dark, you know. But when he bumped himself on the washstand he said----" _Father (hastily)._ "There, that'll do, Monty. Run away and play!"] * * * * * [Illustration: A RARA AVIS.--_Little Girl (finishing her description of the Battle of Cressy)._ "And ever since then the Prince of Wales has been born with feathers!"] * * * * * [Illustration: A HEAD FOR BUSINESS.-- _Mamma._ "I meant to give you a threepenny bit this morning, Bobby, but in my hurry I think I gave you sixpence, so----" _Bobby._ "Yes, mummy, but I haven't spent it all yet. So will you give it me to-morrow?" _Mamma._ "Give you what, dear?" _Bobby._ "The threepenny bit you _meant_ to give me to-day!"] * * * * * [Illustration: THE CHILD OF THE PERIOD "Why did that policeman touch his hat to you, aunty? Have you got one as well as nurse?"] * * * * * [Illustration: BEFORE THE HEAD _Fourth Form Boy (with recollections of a recent visit to the dentist)._ "Please, sir, may I--may I--have gas?"] * * * * * ADDING INSULT TO INJURY.--"Mamma, _isn't_ it very wicked to do behind one's back what one wouldn't do before one's face?" "Certainly, Effie!" "Well, baby bit my finger when I was looking another way!" * * * * *