_Auntie._ "And what are Nellie's ears for?" _Nellie_ (_confidently_). "Ear-rings."] * * * * * A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE!--_Miss Tomboy._ Mamma, I think those French women were beastly rude. _Mother._ You mustn't speak like that of those ladies, it's very wrong. And how often have I told you not to say "beastly"? _Miss Tomboy._ Well, they _were_ rude. They called me a little cabbage (_mon petit chou_). The next time they do that I shall call them old French beans. * * * * * SOLILOQUY.--"I should like that engine. Can't afford it myself. They won't buy it for me at home--too soon after Christmas. Must go in and ask the girl to put it aside for me till next time I have the croup or something; then mother'll buy it me!" * * * * * "TOO CLEVER BY HALF" Tommy and Johnnie were boys at school, Tommy was clever, but Johnnie a fool; Tommy at lessons was sharp and bright, Johnnie could never do anything right. Genius often is known to fail; Tommy turned forger, and went to jail. Johnnie, though slow as he well could be, Plodded away and became M.P. * * * * * [Illustration: "CONSERVATION OF TISSUE."--_Uncle._ "Well, Tommy, you see I'm back; are you ready? What have I to pay for, miss?" _Miss._ "Three buns, four sponge cakes, two sandwiches, one jelly, five tarts, and----" _Uncle._ "Good gracious, boy! Are you not ill?" _Tommy._ "No, uncle; but I'm thirsty."] * * * * * [Illustration: _Benevolent Old Gentleman._ "Now then, little boy. What do you mean by bullying that little girl? Don't you know it's very cruel?" _Rude Little Boy._ "Garn! wot's the trouble? _She's my Sweetheart!_"] * * * * * [Illustration: _Grandpapa._ "Well little lady, will you give me a lock of that pretty hair of yours?" _Marjory._ "Yes, granpa'; but"--(_hesitating_)--"I don't fink _one_ lock would be enough, would it?"] * * * * * [Illustration: "DADDY'S WAISTCOAT" (_Sketched from Life in Drury Lane._)] * * * * * [Illustration: A STORY WITHOUT WORDS] * * * * * THE CASE FOR THE DEFENCE.--_Mother._ Oh, Dicky, what terrible things you do keep in your pockets! Fancy, a dead crab! _Dicky._ Well, mother, it wasn't dead when I put it there! * * * * * HAPPY THOUGHT.--"Why, my boy, you've spelt window without an _N_! Don't you know the difference between a _window_ and a _widow_?" "Yes, sir. You can see through _one_--and--and--you can't see through the _other_, sir!" * * * * * THE YOUNG IDEA AGAIN.--(SCENE--_Fourth-standard room of an elementary school. Children reading._) _Inspector_ (_to the Teacher_). What are they reading about? _Teacher._ American Indians.