Mr. Editor, I are a tame Japanese, yet when I observe gentleman in uniform descending up ladder with warfare expression, all the Port Arthur of my nationality come out. “Hara kiri!” I acknowledge to Hon. Chauffer while shooting remnants of sudds-water straight at his profile. He look very bathhouse--yet he still continue to approach. “When I obtain you--” he pronounce, making a grab to heel. “When you get me I shall be elsewhere,” I defy. Thusly speaking I leap into the face of that bay window and arrive inside of bedroom with loudy crashes. Somebody below-stairs yell, “Burglar!”--but I knew I could not be a burglar and be so noisy. Hon. Hennery continue to approach up ladder. In anxious escape I jump over 11 chairs, 2½ beds with numerous etcetera. In a soon moment I could observe wet headware of Hon. Hennery encroaching through window where he enter with rebound. I make talented dodge to hallway where I bang door & lock him, thus encircling Hon. Chauffer with his wrath. Below downstairs I could hear Hon. Mrs Clodd talking mustard to Hon. Mrs Gibb. I could hear angry voices walking upstairs. If I lost any time I must do so quickly. I trot backwards down hall. From window in rearward bedroom I seen one porch-escape from which I flew like aeroplanes. I make down shoot to ground while Hon. Mrs. holla from window. “Togo,” she yall, “you are requested never to look into my house again!” “Those residing in a houseful of windows should look out for themselves,” I nudge back walking away in sections. Hoping you are the same, yours truly, _Hashimura Togo._ X PAPER-HANGING _To Editor Home & Ladies Page who realise how wallpaper are like friendship: sometime he stick right, and sometime he don’t._ Dear Mr: Mrs Bertha Mac Frenzie, a very medium lady residing in Boston, Conn., dis-employed me recently from happy home. I was very satisfactory help to her until following anecdote happen to me. Mrs Mac Frenzie’s only extravagance are her stingyness. Careful in most everything, she become extra reckless when attempting to save 9c. Her thoughts are filled with skimmed milk & slaughterhouse steak. I am suprised Hon. U. S. Government do not hire her to saw off High Cost of Living before he start to grow any taller. I know because I seen it. “Togo,” she require of me, “too much wealth is lavished in that soup you make. He is too thick.” “If he become thinner he will faint away,” I warn out. “Soup will stand considerable starvation and yet seem hearty,” she deploy. So I do so. Last Wedsday she approach up to me with arms full of roll-up material. “I have dishcovered now so I can save 9$!” she deploy with glee-club voice. “Such saving may involve great expense,” I corrode brightly. She neglect my chivalry.