“Maybe you tired!” she collapse with considerable gentleness. “Ah no, Mrs Madam,” I contuse chivalrously. “I not tired--I merely exhausted.” “Servants should be cherished as well as masters,” she say scientifically. “I acknowledge my carelessness. In enthusiasm of housecleaning I forgot you was as apt to get fatigued as any other horse. I permit you to feel weary, because you are Japanese and not strong like a Irish labour. I forgive this fault in you.” “O thank you so many for that gentle heart!” I report back, enjoying slight tear-drop from gratitude. “No, Togo, you may rest,” she say. “But while you are resting, would you please go out to back yard and beat a few Brussels carpets?” Excuse me, Mr Editor, for acting so unobliged to a lady. But I could not do furthermore. My arms walk out on strike when I attempt to make them work. So I go to kitchen and arrive back with satchel grip and derby hat. “Sweethearted Mrs Madam,” I report, “I realise how my mind is too lightweight for your serious employment. Therefore I quit. How much you estimate I owe you for damage, breakage & crackage I done to-day?” “1230.50 would cover everything,” she suppose. “At my present wage-pay of $5 per weekly,” I snuggest, “I should be very elderly Japanese before last instalment was pay off. Therefore I shall not encumber you by waiting so long.” “But what shall I do about that bill?” she require nervely. “Ah, Mrs Madam, you are honest lady,” I bounce back. “I are sure I can trust you to keep that bill more better than anybody else.” “You done my household considerable injury,” she sum up. “I are willing to forgive that also,” I repartee. “Therefore, if you will present me with 50c out of what I owe you, I shall retreat by trolley and leave your home safe from me.” She contribute 25c from purse, because she say she can’t get no more change until her husband get back. That gentleman are in Arabia collecting rugs, so I decide it was too long to wait for 25c. When nextly seen I was standing on depot-station in New England R. R. asking Hon. Ticket Merchant if he would sell me fare to some city where folks never clean house except when scolded by Brd of Health. Hoping you are the same Yours truly _Hashimura Togo_. XIII APARTMENT HOUSE LIFE IN NEW YORK _To Editor Home & Lady page whose wisdom is furniture for many apartments._ Dear Mr: Excuse my handwriting for being cramped this time--I have been living in one N. Y. apartment-house where everything is squeezed. I tell you. A short time of yore I seen following advertisement-news in N. Y. Paper: WANTED: Small-size Japanese required to do housework in fashionable apartment. Must be able to squeeze deliciously tight between furniture and to take up no room whatsoever. No fat persons required. Apply to Mrs. Buckingham Jinx, Matterhorn Apts.