“And now, see, Mr. Caudle, what a misery you've brought upon your wretched family! I can't have a satin gown--the girls can't have new bonnets--the water-rate must stand over--Jack must get his death through a broken window--our fire-insurance can't be paid, so we shall all fall victims to the devouring element--we can't go to Margate, and Caroline will go to an early grave--the dog will come home and bite us all mad--that shutter will go banging for ever--the soot will always fall--the mice never let us have a wink of sleep--thieves be always breaking in the house--and our dear Mary Anne be for ever left an unprotected maid,--and all, all, Mr. Caudle, because _YOU WILL GO ON LENDING FIVE POUNDS!_” LECTURE II. MR. CAUDLE HAS BEEN AT A TAVERN WITH A FRIEND. [Illustration: 013] OOR me! Ha! I 'm sure I don't know who'd be a poor woman! I don't know who'd tie themselves up to a man, if they knew only half they'd have to bear. A wife must stay at home, and be a drudge, whilst a man can go anywhere. It's enough for a wife to sit like Cinderella by the ashes, whilst her husband can go drinking and singing at a tavern. You never sing! How do I know you never sing? It's very well for you to say so; but if I could hear you, I dare say you're among the worst of 'em. “And now, I suppose, it will be the tavern every night. If you think I'm going to sit up for you, Mr. Caudle, you 're very much mistaken. No: and I'm not going to get out of my warm bed to let you in, either. No: nor Susan shan't sit up for you. No: nor you shan't have a latch-key. I'm not going to sleep with the door upon the latch, to be murdered before the morning. “Faugh! Pah! Whewgh! That filthy tobacco smoke! It's enough to kill any decent woman. You know I hate tobacco, and yet you will do it. You don't smoke yourself! What of that? If you go among people who _do_ smoke, you 're just as bad, or worse. You might as well smoke--indeed, better. Better smoke yourself than come home with other people's smoke in your hair. “I never knew any good come to a man who went to a tavern. Nice companions he picks up there! Yes; people who make it a boast to treat their wives like slaves, and ruin their families. There's that wretch, Prettyman. See what he's come to. He doesn't now get home till two in the morning; and then in what a state! He begins quarrelling with the door-mat, that his poor wife may be afraid to speak to him. A mean wretch! But don't you think I'll be like Mrs. Prettyman. No: I wouldn't put up with it from the best man that ever trod. You 'll not make me afraid to speak to you, however you may swear at the door-mat. No, Mr. Caudle, that you won't.