Mrs. Caudle's Curtain LecturesJerrold, Douglas William
General
Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures
Jerrold, Douglas William
English wit and humor; Marriage -- Humor
"I suppose the baby MUST have a godfather; and so, Caudle, who shall
we have? Who do you think will be able to do the most for it? No,
Caudle, no; I'm not a selfish woman--nothing of the sort--but I hope
I've the feelings of a mother; and what's the use of a godfather if
he gives nothing else to the child but a name? A child might almost
as well not be christened at all. And so who shall we have? What do
you say?
"ANYBODY?
"Aren't you ashamed of yourself, Caudle? Don't you think something
will happen to you, to talk in that way? I don't know where you pick
up such principles. I'm thinking who there is among our acquaintance
who can do the most for the blessed creature, and you say,--
'ANYBODY!' Caudle, you're quite a heathen.
"There's Wagstaff. No chance of his ever marrying, and he's very
fond of babies. He's plenty of money, Caudle; and I think he might
be got. Babies, I know it--babies are his weak side. Wouldn't it be
a blessed thing to find our dear child in his will? Why don't you
speak? I declare, Caudle, you seem to care no more for the child
than if it was a stranger's. People who can't love children more
than you do, ought never to have 'em.
"YOU DON'T LIKE WAGSTAFF?
"No more do I much; but what's that to do with it? People who've
their families to provide for, mustn't think of their feelings. I
don't like him; but then I'm a mother, and love my baby.
"YOU WON'T HAVE WAGSTAFF AND THAT'S FLAT?
"Ha, Caudle, you're like nobody else--not fit for this world, you're
not.
"What do you think of Pugsby? I can't bear his wife; but that's
nothing to do with it. I know my duty to my babe: I wish other
people did. What do you say?
"PUGSBY'S A WICKED FELLOW?
"Ha! that's like you--always giving people a bad name. We mustn't
always believe what the world says, Caudle; it doesn't become us as
Christians to do it. I only know that he hasn't chick or child; and,
besides that, he's very strong interest in the Blue-coats; and so, if
Pugsby--Now, don't fly out at the man in that manner. Caudle, you
ought to be ashamed of yourself! You can't speak well of anybody.
Where DO you think to go to?
"What do you say, then, to Sniggins? Now, don't bounce round in that
way, letting the cold air into the bed! What's the matter with
Sniggins?
"YOU WOULDN'T ASK HIM A FAVOUR FOR THE WORLD?
"Well, it's a good thing the baby has somebody to care for it: _I_
will. What do you say?
"I SHAN'T?
"I will, I can tell you. Sniggins, besides being a warm man, has
good interest in the Customs; and there's nice pickings there, if one
only goes the right way to get 'em. It's no use, Caudle, your
fidgetting about--not a bit. I'm not going to have baby lost--
sacrificed, I may say, like its brothers and sisters.
"WHAT DO I MEAN BY SACRIFICED?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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